Blog of Lose

What a Lucky Man He Was

2011-12-22T17:57:00.003-05:00

What is wrong with kids these days??

Back in the day, some of the biggest bands on the planet were prog bands. The biggest of them were Emerson, Lake and Palmer, Yes, Pink Floyd, and mid-period (Thick as a Brick) Jethro Tull (sorry, Genesis doesn't count). An honorable mention goes to King Crimson but they were never as huge as the big four. The records sold in millions and the concerts were packed.

These bands delivered the utmost musicianship. Lengthy, complex song structures, classical influences, side-long opuses segmented into "movements". This stuff was not easy to play. My father, who was for half of his life an accomplished musician, and hated hard rock, even would comment on occasion if I happened to be playing, say ELP, and say "that guy is good". Meaning Keith Emerson. Sure he was good, just listen to this shit!

Kids today do not like this stuff. I wonder what happened over the last few decades to change it? Rap? Britney Spears? I think it's more the fucking iPOD that ruined everything. Kids don't care about hifi or good sound anymore, and prog rock really needs good sound.

In any event, what we have here is a new ELP live album "Live at the Mar-Y-Sol Festival 1972". It could be the best ELP live document mostly because it's not weighted to the Brain Salad Surgery stuff like the other live albums are. A shorter, more to-the-point Pictures at an Exhibition is on here. But the real gem is the finale, the 18 minute "Rondo" where they just go apeshit and tear the house down. YOu can see some of the Rondo madness on the Isle of Wight DVD.

A must purchase for prog fans (I guess that means old people)....play it loud on a good quality stereo!!

Vinyl Reissues

2011-12-14T21:01:00.004-05:00

I really hate computers and all computer audio and video. The stuff is all junk.

For example, I had a Panasonic VHS VCR player that worked for 15 years. It still worked when I gave it away. You buy a DVD player now, and it will break in a year or two. Hell, it won't even play a fucking movie.

I bought a Blu Ray movie, and put it into the Sony Playstation 3 I have. An error message comes up "need firmware upgrade to play movie". Jesus Fucking Christ it won't even play the movie. I don't care about all the other shit on the DVD, I just want to play the fucking movie!! I don't need to connect to the fucking internet to watch a movie!! After spending 2 hours downloading the upgrade to a flash drive, I put the flash drive into the Sony and start the upgrade. Everything seems OK, then about 15 minutes into it, the thing crashes with an error "upgrade failed: files corrupt" message. WHAT THE FUCK. This stuff is all JUNK!!!

So my point is, whenever I can get analog, I will. A lot of stuff is being reissued on vinyl and i've been picking it up thru eBay, Acoustic sounds, All That's Heavy, and Elusive Disc. Here's the latest acquistitions:

1. Alice Cooper: Easy Action/Pretties for You/Love it To Death.

The early albums aren't that heavy, but theres some good stuff especially on Easy Action.

2. Thin Lizzy: Live and Dangerous. The best live Lizzy.
3. Hendrix: In the West. The best live Jimi.
4. Trouble: Plastic Green Head. On purple vinyl!!
5. Smashing Pumpkins: Gish. Whatever happened to these clowns. They really sucked towards the end...but Gish is good!

6. Grateful Dead: Live Dead. The Dead when they were acid tripping jammers and not country rockers.

7. Riot: Fire Down Under. A classic!!
8. Kyuss: Blues for the Red Sun. Desert rock!
9. Black Sabbath: Sabotage. Side One is killer!!
10. Yes: Tales from Topographic Oceans. For sides, four songs!!
11. King Crimson: In the Wake of Poseidon. Last album with Greg Lake.

I challenge anyone to show me a current production solid state or digital amplifier, disc player, or other piece of junk that will last more than 20 years. McIntosh amplifiers (the tube ones) like the 275, made in the 60s, are still around today and still work!!

Long live analog!! Digital Sucks!!

Album of the Year 2011

2011-12-04T18:27:00.003-05:00

And now fellow losers it's time for my revelation of the 2011 Album of the Year. Relatively speaking it was sort of a quiet year. A few releases stand out as contenders:

1. Mastodon-The Hunter. Mastodon continues to morph from a prog-metal band to a straight prog band. I'm not sure I like the direction. This album ain't bad, but if you listen to "Leviathan" right after it, you realize just how they've softened up.

2. OFF- The First 4 EP's. OFF are the best punk band i've heard this millenium since the Colombian Neckties. Keith Morris ex-Circle Jerks is on vox and damn if this doesn't sound like vintage Black Flag. Awesome.

3. Rory Gallagher- Notes from SF. Not the first disc, but the live CD which totally smokes.

4. Anvil- Juggernaut of Justice. Gotta love Lips for still doing this.

5. Megadeth- Thirteen. Talk about ripping off an Anvil album title! Megadeth really don't play thrash anymore, this is straight up hard rock.

AND THE WINNER IS.................

WARBRINGER-Worlds Torn Asunder. Whew baby, leave it to Warbringer to carry the thrash torch. This is violent, aggressive, bordering on chaotic thrash at its best.
The heaviest album of 2011!! All hail Warbringer!!

My Annual Yuletide Rant

2011-12-04T18:10:00.002-05:00

Well, you will notice that i've been absent from this for quite some time now, recovering from my first, unsuccessful suicide attempt. I can't even get that right.
Next time it will be different, as i've purchased a Ruger LC9 9mm pistol, and also a Taurus Judge 45 colt revolver. That should do it.

And it probably won't be long, as the goddam holiday season approaches once again.
I'm not sure I can take it.

Here we go again, with all bullshit being shoved down everyones throat about how happy you're supposed to be, and how some hottie is supposed to love you so much, etc etc. Of course I realize it really is all marketing and crass capitalism. But still.

Once again, i'll probably spend Xmas and New Year's Alone, watching porn, playing loud doom metal, and getting drunk. I can't wait.

There is a FEAR song that really sums it all up:

FUCK CHRISTMAS!!

Rory Gallagher: Notes from San Francisco

2011-08-03T22:07:00.002-04:00

A new Rory Gallagher CD has just been released, and on first glance seems to be nothing too special. It's a bunch of unreleased songs from sessions that were to become his Photo Finish album. From the reviews, it seems Rory wasn't too happy with these kinda weak versions, and scrapped all of them.

Now, it seems there is a second disk included here, and this is what you really want. It's a live CD of Rory sometime in 1979, right around the "Stage Struck" period when he was at his heaviest. And man, does this thing SCORCH!!

This could be the best live Rory ever. It's even more rocking than Stage Struck, if thats possible. The man is on fire here. Every tune is just blistering with mad Strat attack.

Rory never got the acclaim he deserved, and he should be right up there with SRV, Johnny Winter, hell even Van Halen, Beck, Clapton. Just listen to this thing and tell me otherwise.

Absolute MUST BUY!!!!

ANVIL at the Note July 29

2011-08-01T21:07:00.002-04:00

I caught ANVIL on Friday at the Note in West Chester.

First off, any lingering buzz or re-gained popularity following the "Story of Anvil" movie success must have worn off. There were about 30 people there. Now, part of that might have been that Anvil didn't go on until about 12:30AM, and people just couldn't take sitting thru..count em...3 lame opening bands. The bar certainly was more crowded earlier. Or rather they just weren't there to see Anvil.

Now, I feel sorry for Robb Reiner. Anvil put on a kick ass show, but it is quite clear that Reiner's drumming is really the propelling force here. He's quite like Dave Lombardo in the fact that without him, Anvil would not sound the same. He's one helluva metal drummer. Rob could probably have gone on to fame and fortune in a bigger band (could he have filled in for Lombardo in Slayer instead of Bostaph?? Probably...), but he chose to remain with his longtime friend Lips.

Now, Lips is quite a character. He makes funny faces and goofs around too much. Metal is meant to be played serious. You don't see Kerry King laughing up there.
But you gotta give Lips props for still doing this and giving it his all, even if there were only 30 people there.

The band plowed thru some of their good stuff (March of the Crabs, 666, Metal on Metal), and some of their duds (New Orleans Voodoo). Robb gave a Tommy Aldridge inspired drum solo. There was dead silence after the last tune, and it took me and a buddy to start a "AN-VIL!!" chant a few times to get them back out. Lips said "I thought for a minute it would be an early night".

Lips, you're damn lucky Reiner stayed in the band. He's one mutherfucker of a drummer.

Some of My Favorite Live Albums

2011-07-24T15:54:00.003-04:00

I typically enjoy live albums because they display a band in their natural element. And they tend to rock more than their studio counterparts. These are some of my favorites!!!

1. Grand Funk Railroad..Live Album. Still one of the heaviest albums of all time. Mark Says Alright!! Messenger guitar into West amps...now there's a combo you don't see anymore!!

2. UFO-Strangers in the Night. This one's on top of almost everybodys list.

3. Thin Lizzy-Live and Dangerous. So's this one.

4. Who-Live at Leeds. Again, a classic, and for a reason.

5. Rolling Stones-Get Your Ya Ya's Out. Stones at their peak of rocking out. After this they would add horns, etc. and water it out on later tours.

6. Status Quo- Live. The Quo boogie on....and on...and on!!

7. Rory Gallagher- STage Struck. Rory at his rockingest!!

8. Johnny Winter- Captured Live. Johnny at his rockingest!!

9. Judas Priest- Unleashed in the East. Priest at the top of their game, before they went a bit more commercial on British Steel.

10. ELP- Pictures at an Exhibition. "Death....Is...Life!!!"

11. Bloodrock-Live. I used to love these guys...still do!!

12. Humble Pie-Rockin the Fillmore. Actually only sides 1 and 4 are any good.

13. Black Oak Arkansas- Raunch and Roll. Jim Dandy to the rescue!!

14. Ramones- It's Alive. Sabbath played at 78rpm.

15. Exodus- Another Lesson in Violence. Pure Thrash.

16. Uriah Heep- LIve 1973. A classic...listen to Gary Thain's bass lines!!

17. Mott the Hoople- Live. Ariel Bender on guitar, he really ups the heaviness!!

18. Slade- Alive. Noddy Holder, the original gravel voice!!

19. AC/DC- If You Want Blood. With Bon....when they rocked!!!

20. Cream- Live Vols. I and II. Clapton before he became a pussy!!!

21. Rush-All The Worlds A Stage. It brings a tear to my eye and listen to this, then listen to everything Rush has done in the past 30 years!! Oh sadness.

22. Foghat-Live. The soundtrack to my senior year, this was my favorite album. Jammed a lot to this one!!

23. Scorpions-Tokyo Tapes. Before Scorpions became a pop metal band (sometime after Lovedrive), they had Uli Roth on guitar and kicked ass, like on this album!!!

24. Ted Nugent- Double Live Gonzo. Uncle Ted...hey he was the biggest grossing live act in 1977 and 1978!!

25. Allman Bros- Live At Fillmore. Another one that makes everybodys list.

26. MC5- Kick out the Jams. "A song called....Starship!!"

27. King Diamond- Live 1987: Abigail. No list would be complete without the King!!

28. Dictators- Fuck Em if They Can't Take a Joke. Handsome Dick and Ross the Boss rock out.

29. Kiss-Alive. Allright, had to include this because they did influence me, but man, anyone who still likes these guys...wake up!!

30. Jimi Hendrix- In the West. Just about to be re-issued...the best Hendrix live with the absolute best rendition of "Red House".

L-Theory: A Revolution in Particle Physics

2011-07-06T20:08:00.005-04:00

I have just made perhaps the greatest scientific discovery of the 21st century. This discovery is equivalent, or perhaps more important, than Relativity and quantum mechanics. It surpasses string, or M-theory, and after I publish it will probably land me the Nobel Prize in Physics. I have spent the last 30 years on this theory, and I have more than 2000 pages of advanced calculations that prove conclusively that my theory is correct.

I have proved, beyond doubt, the Theory of Lose.

I present to you, L-Theory. At the core of L-Theory, is the discovery, and mathematical proof, of the existence of several new elementary particles. The particles, and a brief explanation, are as follows:

1. The Dipon. This is a force particle (similar to a gluon) that transmits the force of lose. It is a very rare particle, and there have been only 3 confirmations of it's existence out of a trillion subatomic particles.

2. The Winon. This is the antiparticle of the dipon. When a dipon and winon collide, negative energy is expelled in the form of a loson.

3. The Milfon. This particle is repelled by the dipon, much like 'like' charges repel. A dipon and a milfon have never been observed in nature.

4. The Studon. This particle attracts the milfon, leaving the few dipons to disintegrate in a state of instability being unpaired (much like an unpaired electron). The studon and the milfon are attracted by two force particles, the cashon and the dickon. Calculations show that dickons with the highest mass transmit the most attractive force to the milfons.

5. The Axon. This particle adds some stability to the dipon, however many axons are needed and according to calculations, the more axons are accumulated by the dipon, the more are needed to maintain stability. Extra stability can be achieved by combining axons with GT3ons. Axons are themselves composed of two smaller, quark-like particles, the fendon and the gibbon.

I have been searching my whole life for a Grand Unified Theory of Lose (GUTL), and at last my research has come to fruition. This proves indeed that lose is nothing you have any control over. Quantum fluctuations, and Heisenberg's Uncertainty principle, ensure that the particles I discovered that cause lose are beyond human control. They are a force of nature, and nature has a way of selecting the fittest.

I will be publishing this work (including all calculations) in the journal Nature.

Casey Anthony: The Child Murdering Slut!!!

2011-07-05T22:12:00.005-04:00

I predicted from the very beginning that that child murdering whore Casey Anthony would walk free, and I was proved right!! The judicial system proves it's total worthlessness once again.

Whore with fake tit, must acquit!!!

This little butt fucked tramp killed her 3 year old kid just so she could score more cock without that kid getting in the way. She dumped the kid in a swamp like yesterdays garbage. Of course she left the dead body in her trunk for a while, rotting, until she could get around to ditching it. Then she went out and partied and probably got a cum bath. All it proves is that to get away with murder, all you need is a jury composed of a bunch of idiots with no common sense. Like the OJ trial.

So this murderous slut goes free, and I freaking GUARANTEE she will have a new boyfriend within a day or two. Hot chicks have no down time, even ones that murder 3 year olds and dump their decomposed body in the swamp.

I look forward to her porno video.

Classic Albums Revisited: Montrose

2011-07-04T22:32:00.004-04:00

You cannot underestimate the impact of the first Montrose record, released in 1974 if my memory serves me correct. Around that time, many of the "established" heavy bands were getting soft...Zep, Sabbath, Purple. This album was a swift kick in the ass, sorta like the Sex Pistols album was in 1978. It was one motherfucker of a record....like they were saying "this is how you rock!". Loud, heavy, no ballads, and even pop metal poster boy Sammy Hagar was in the band!!! (not that i'm a fan of Sammy, that is, outside of his work with Montrose).

I remember first reading of the album in Circus magazine. It was those reviews I used to really love, where they rate the albums with one ear, two ears, a heart, or something like that. They gave the album "Two LOUD ears". So ever on the lookout for something heavy, I rushed right out to pick it up. It did not disappoint!!

The best thing was the production. Ronnie's axe sound, a classic Les Paul into Marshall sound, was just MASSIVE. Listen to the riff on "Rock Candy". Jesus!! The riff just slams you into the wall, completely pulverizing you.

Alas, like so many other bands with killer first albums (the first Van Halen comes to mind, of course that one was without Sammy boy), the second album "Paper Money" was OK but a lot weaker. After that, it was done and Sammy went on to become a mega millionaire but he was never to rock again! Montrose continued on with several line-up changes (albums like "Warner Bros. Presents" and "Jump On It"), then formed Gamma, but it was really never as heavy as this again.

But that first album, is an absolute MUST own, and a classic hard rock/metal masterpiece. If you don't own it, you're a pussy. It just got released on 180g vinyl so buy it now!

Doomsday May 21

2011-05-24T21:08:00.002-04:00

I'm really sorta bummed that the end of the world didn't happen on May 21 like that dude said. Hey, give him a break, he mis-calculated. I'm sure the calculations involve some sort of advanced differential calculus so a slight error can be understood. Maybe the equations are similar to those used in modern string theory. He probably did it all longhand anyway, without a calculator. I wonder what the relative standard deviation of the calculation is?? Maybe it's give or take a week.

It would have been great to see it all end. In fact, the best possible thing would have been for an asteroid to smash right into my house, and instantly vaporize me. Believe me, nothing would have made me happier.

Now all I got to look forward to is Oct 21, the date of the "new calculation". Hey, maybe I should double-check the math to see if it's correct. Is there a software program that can do this? Maybe scan the entire bible into the program, and it will spit out the correct day and time?

So for now, the misery continues. Back to that stinking job and this stinking life.

The Evil Goat

2011-05-03T21:52:00.003-04:00

I've never quite understood why a goat's head is the symbol for Satan. I mean, Satan is always pictured as some creature with cloven hoofs and a goat head. Now, what's with the goat?? You would think that Satan would want to be associated with a powerful carnivorous animal, sort of like a lion. Or maybe a bear. The goat is just a silly grass chewing farm animal. Not exactly an alpha predator, or even that threatening.

The Bible had Satan as a serpent. Now that is maybe more believable. Most people are afraid of snakes. I'm not particuarly scared of them myself, but still, the poisonous ones do pack enough punch to kill you. What the fuck does a goat do that is so evil??

The goat head thing is called the Baphomet. According to the web,

Perhaps the best-known representation of Baphomet is the drawing by the 19th century French magician, Eliphas Levi, called "The Baphomet of Mendes." Levi combined elements of the tarot devil card and the he-goat worshipped in antiquity in Mendes, Egypt, which was said to fornicate with its women followers ( as the church claimed the devil did with witches). Levi's Baphomet has a human trunk with rounded, female breasts, a caduceus in the midriff, human arms and hands, cloven feet, wings and a goat's head with a pentagram in the forehead and a torch on top of the skull between the horns. The attributes, Levi said, represented the sum total of the universe - intelligence, the four elements, divine revelation, sex and motherhood and sin and redemption. Hite and black crescent moons at the figure's side represent good and evil.

Hail Satan!!

The Sound

2011-04-19T22:01:00.004-04:00

I bought a Les Paul Standard back in the late 90s, a cherryburst. It's a nice axe, but WAAAAYY too heavy (one of the heaviest Pauls i've ever felt), and never quite sounded that good. So I had it, but never really played it much. The thing weighs a ton.

Anyway, since I had a few extra DiMarzio Super Distortion pickups laying around, I decided to swap out the stock Gibson humbuckers and pop them in.

Jesus, that did it!!!

I couldn't believe that those pickups could make that much difference, but they do. This is the rock sound. Ace Frehley is right!!! The Super Distortions kick ass!!!

Plugged into a Marshall, or even a Peavey Bandit (see previous blog entry about that bad boy), it's the definitive Les Paul rock and roll sound. Thick, meaty, not too trebly, just perfect.

It seems that the Super Distortion is the perfect match for the Les Paul. It's like peanut butter and jelly. Cheesesteak and fried onions. Dips and lose. I mean, I don't think a Dimebucker will sound as good in a Paul as the SD. Nor EMG's like that idiot Zakk Wylde. I had EMG's decades ago, and I thought they sucked. The Gibson Dirty Fingers are good, though.

Get em loaded into your Paul and light up a joint.

The Meaning of Life is in a Bun with Chili Sauce

2011-04-19T20:13:00.005-04:00

Here we go, it's already spring and well into the decade of lose. And so far it's been a dandy one, too. Let's see, so far:

1. My father has been diagnosed as "terminal", the radiation didn't work, and was basically sent home to die within 6 months. Give or take a few months.

2. The latest stud moved in with the ex and is now my daughters surrogate father when i'm not around. The ex is sure teaching my daugher how to be a slut very well.

3. Work sucks.

And it's only been a few months. Life begins at 50!! 50 is the new 30!! Bullshit.

I've officially dropped out. I'm done, with everything. I just don't bother anymore.
Trying to date, be happy, have interests, i'm through with it all.

About the only thing worth getting up for nowadays is a good hot dog. See the photo. In fact, i'd go so far as to conclude that I have indeed found the meaning of life. That's all the happiness there is, or ever will be. A fucking hot dog.

I can't even keep up with listening to new tunes. I've got about 5 albums haven't even sampled yet, including "Jerusalem", Stray's "Suicide", and the new Pentagram "Last Rites". Even the music doesn't provide solace or salvation anymore.

How to Spend New Years Eve Alone

2010-12-30T18:23:00.003-05:00

As many of my fellow losers will, like me, spend New Years Eve alone, i've compiled this help list to ease the agony. Here's what you can be doing, instead of banging some significant other like everybody else is doing.

1. Watch The Twilight Zone marathon on SciFi. This is usually what I wind up doing. My favorite episodes are the one with pre-Kojak Telly Savalas with the talking doll (talking Tina) he tries to kill, and the ones with pre-Star Trek Captain Kirk Bill Shatner where he becomes obsessed with a fortune telling machine with a devil head, and where he spots a man in a monkey suit on the plane wing and everyone thinks he's bonkers.

2. Watch the Three Stooges marathon on AMC. Hey, the Stooges rule what else can be said.

3. Watch Eraserhead. Or another Lynch masterpiece such as Mulholland Drive, or Lost Highway or Inland Empire. But Eraserhead is the bleakest, and more appropriate for new years eve of lose.

4. Watch Porn. This might not be a good idea, since you are watching what everyone else except you is doing for real. Why torture yourself even more?

5. Play the Ramones "It's Alive" album at high volume. This was recorded new years eve 1977 and kicks ass. YOu can follow it with Slayer's "Reign in Blood" for maximum effect.

6. Play russian roulette. Hey, I even bought a Ruger LCR just in case I decide to play.

7. Kill yourself. This might be the best option of all!!! That way you won't have to face another new years eve alone ever again!! As a bonus, you won't have to go into work on Monday, either.

50 Years of Lose

2010-12-27T17:52:00.004-05:00

Here we are, another New Years Eve alone. Like in the movie "The Lonely Guy" with Steve Martin, they even spoof the middle aged loser who is alone on New Years. It's that funny, the average person laughs at it, saying "gee, how is that possible?? Oh, it's only a movie".

The Stooges sang about it in the song "No Fun"....

No fun to be alone
Talking to myself
No fun to be alone
In love....with nobody else.
Maybe go out,
Maybe stay home
Maybe call mom on the telephone,
Come on!
But I can't see how Iggy was alone, shit he must of had hundreds of sluts he was banging.

It gives me a chance to reflect on the last 50 years, all the bad choices, mistakes, and bad decisions. Here are just a sampling right off the top of my head. There's plenty more.

Bad mistake #1: Getting married to that nutcase ex, who is so evil I call her Satan. But damn, she never is without a stud. Not even a day. Goes right from one to the next. Where the hell does she find these idiots?? Hey I was one of them.

Bad mistake #2: Choosing a career in science and getting a PhD. There's no jobs and no money in it. All those years in school, and most people with a Bachelors are making more money than me. And most of the others in this field are real A typers/assholes which only makes it worse. I shoulda been a pharmacist. Or a truck driver.

Bad mistake #3: Back in grad school there was this freshman chick "M" who was totally smoking hot, and really was coming on to me. She would send me cards, letters, etc. and quite obviously wanted to fuck me. She must of been mental to want that, but nevertheless. This chick was playboy quality. What did dumbass me do? Ignored her, thinking she was too young (I was maybe 25-26, she was 17). Jesus how fucking stupid can I be to turn that down? I heard thru the grapevine she was a nympho too...just the final humiliation. I coulda married her. Loser again!!

Bad mistake #4: Trading in my vintage Marshall 100W Super Tremolo. That thing is worth big bucks now....but back then, I needed the money!!

Bad mistake #5: Being too chicken to put a gun to my head TONIGHT!!!!

Merry Fucking Christmas

2010-12-24T17:27:00.003-05:00

Here we are again in the holiday season, and here I am again sitting here on Xmas eve alone, watching porn and playing doom metal. It doesn't get any better. And it won't.

Even worse is that the whole fucking winter is ahead. Nothing really to look forward to except some hot dogs and maybe all you can eat Chinese at the buffet. Now that i've lost 20 pounds, i've figured out the secret. I can still eat junk food, just not as MUCH junk food. Instead of two dogs and two burgers, just one of each. And diet soda. Diet Dr. Pepper Cherry just rules.

The only thing to look forward to is maybe getting a new car or truck this year. But I can't decide what to get, so I just keep the Jeep even though I really don't like the looks of it. Gas prices will be $4/gallon soon anyway.

Well back to Pentagram and Sasha Grey's "Teen Cum Junkies". What a wonderful, blessed night with family and friends!! Fuck christmas, one and all.

I Love Taylor Swift

2010-11-28T21:57:00.004-05:00

I am now obsessed and completely infatuated with Taylor Swift. She's now taken over for Miley Cyrus as the biggest pop tart in music today. Britney, Miley, Taylor. The other losers don't see what the deal is with Taylor, too tall, bird legs, face looks fat, whatever. To me she is absolutely gorgeous and I want to express my love for her. I just know, that if she met me, she would love me, too.

But alas, she seems to be a real slut. She's gone from one hollywood stud to the next and now she's banging that Gyllenhall dude that was in the movie Zodiac. John Mayer banged her, too. The list is a mile long of studs she's bedded. I bet she's a wild one. At 5'11", she's a lot of woman to love. But I love her, Jerry.

Green Axes

2010-11-23T18:23:00.003-05:00

I don't know what my obsession is with the color green lately. But one of the axes that struck my eye at the Fall guitar show was this green Charvel. I think they call it "slime green". But it's cool. Made in USA, too, not China. They were going for $900 at the show, not bad. I may have to pick one of these up. Then i'll get a few weeks of happiness.

GREEN REGA'S

2010-11-19T22:37:00.004-05:00

Although I own a ton of high end equipment, i'm far from being an audio snob or 'golden ear" audiophile. If the ultimate goal is to reproduce, in your home, the live musical experience, the "absolute sound", then I should buy a freaking Cerwin Vega or JBL PA system since that's what Slayer gets amplified thru and that's what MY "live experience" is. Does it matter to me if a component slightly alters the massive distortion of the recorded musical experience? Not really. How the fuck are you gonna know anyway.

Of course this is mainly because my music of choice is hard rock/metal/punk while most audio geeks listen to, ummm, softer stuff.

Now that doesn't mean I dont' enjoy nice high end, well built gear. I just have to chuckle when these audio rags talk about differences in cables, turntables, brands of tubes, etc. I would bet it's all bullshit and irreproducible. Well, maybe for other music you can hear something. But probably not for "Live at Leeds".

I still like to play records, and I've blogged before about the Rega vs. Technics turntable debate. I happen to think the Technics is a solid well built turntable for the money. But I saw a green Rega P3 at Surround Sounds the other day and had to have it. It's just so cool looking. I'm also contemplating getting an Odyssey Audio Khartago amp to fuck with.

Rest assured I won't be playing any Joni Mitchell or Steely Dan thru them.

A Half Century of Lose

2010-11-19T19:48:00.007-05:00

Well here it is. I'll soon celebrate a half century of losing on this piece of shit planet. To celebrate the event, the last gig of the first half century will be THE SWORD coming up next week at the TLA. Nothing like a doom metal band to cement in the depression.

What will follow over the next few months on this venerable blog will be reflections on the last 50 years. All the wrong decisions, all the failures, all the misery. To chronicle everythng would take a tome longer than War and Peace. But it must be recorded for posterity, and for others to say, "gee, and I thought MY life was bad...!"

The fall guitar show is the next bit of merriment. The last show in July we managed to get some pics. Now realize that the guitar show is basically a sausage fest, it's all guys. Chicks are only dragged there by their studs for eye candy. Chicks aren't into axes, amps, stereo stuff, or cars. They're into handbags and shoes.

Look at this teen whore. She was the hottest thing at the show. I bet she doesn't have a boyfriend, either.

Here's some other eye candy, the kind that is attainable by losers. A nice orange Marshall rig. Ooooh, I need one of these. Then i'll be happy.

After the axe show it's tradition to hit Chubbys or Dalassandro's for a cheesesteak.

Then perhaps it's off to the Pinball Parlor to play some skill. The favorite machine is Funhouse.

Such is the life of lose. Most other 50 year olds would be doing family stuff and banging their MILF wife. The path of lose is the one least traveled.

The Cups Runneth Over

2010-07-11T18:27:00.004-04:00

I had recorded in this blog several years ago, that observations of the teenage sluts at Musikfest indicated that breasts seem to be getting bigger. Every little whore prancing around seemed to have at least a C or D cup spilling out of their skimpy top. Well, it seems I was right, as ususal. I recently read (in Playboy, no less) that the average cup size of a woman has gone from 34B (in the 70s) to a 36C (now). That's quite a jump. I wonder if that includes implants or just natural tits. Let me tell you there's no substitute for big jugs. My favorite size happens to be a 36DD. Not that i'm getting any, or ever will anymore, but nevertheless. That makes me wonder what the average will be in another 30 years. If the trend continues, we can expect a 36D average size. If only penis size was going up. Quite the contrary, mine is shrinking with age (and lack of use). Gone from a 6 inch to a 4 inch. Hell it never gets used so might as well stay out of the way. Looks like i'm a loser again.
Yes, and those gorgeous 34D jugs pictured above belong to none other than Jennifer Love Hewitt.....who also puts Swarovski crystals around her shaven pussy and carries her vibrator everywhere. Read her book if you think i'm bullshitting. What a little slut!!

A PROG Primer

2010-07-08T20:08:00.003-04:00

Progressive Rock, much like punk rock, is essentially dead. Unless there's a band I haven't heard of, there's nothing GOOD as far as real progressive rock goes out there right now. And don't say Porcupine Tree, either. What the hell happened? The benchmark for progressive rock are the following bands. All are essential listening.

1. Pink Floyd. OK, they morphed into a soft rock band. But the early stuff, right up to Dark Side, is primal progressive rock, especially the real early spaced out jams. Hell, these guys were almost the originators of the whole genre. Best album in my opinion: Meddle, because of the side-long "Echoes".

2. The Nice. Keith Emerson's first band where he honed his chops for future greatness (see below...). Not consistent, but some killer stuff here and there.

3. Atomic Rooster. Heavy psych rock around the Hammond of Vincent Crane and mad axework of John Cann. Best Album is "Death Walks Behind You"

4. King Crimson. First gig was with the Stones at the free Hyde Park gig. Their first album is a bona fide classic, but I really prefer their mid-70s period better with "Red" and "Larks Tongue in Aspic".

5. Yes. The vocals were always tough to get used to, but the musicianship was top notch. Best album is "The Yes Album" but the triple "Yessongs" live album is killer.

6. Emerson,Lake and Palmer. The big daddys of Prog. My favorite prog group, somehow ELP always had a dark and heavy edge. All albums up to Works are essential, my favorite being "Trilogy".

7. Rush. OK, i'm talking about early Rush. Some of the greatest progressive metal ever played. Too bad they ruined it and became a pop-synth band. Newer stuff still not up to snuff.

8. Jethro Tull. I'm talking about "Thick as a Brick" era. One song, two album sides, a thousand movements. If that ain't prog, what is?? People forget just how huge Tull were around that time. They were one of the biggest bands in the world.

9. Genesis. Again, the early stuff. Always still to soft for me, the "Genesis Live" album is decent but I prefer all the above bands.

10. Hawkwind. This is more progressive space rock but most of it is good stuff. Lemmy was bassist for a while. Best album is "Space Ritual".

11. UFO. I'm talking about the second album only..."One Hour Space Rock". They must of been smoking some wacky weed when they made that thing. The coming of Prince Kajuku, baby!!

12. Focus. Everyone (well everyone old enough) remembers the tune "Hokus Pokus" that had the fierce jamming with the yodeling verses. If you flip that album, "Moving Waves", around to side 2, you get a 25 minute prog rock epic.

I'll Die Alone

2010-06-08T19:46:00.002-04:00

It's becoming increasingly more probable that I will die alone. The odds are so good it's now bordering on certainty. Part of my scientific training is that I really look at things from a realistic and statistical point of view. The conculsions aren't pretty, or something the average person would want to face. But with a lifetime of lose, i'm sorta used to it.

It's almost a certain bet that there will never be another relationship with a woman. That avenue has been exhausted, with total failure, so why would it ever change?? Then there's my daughter. According to stats, she has about 10 years left so in all probability I will outlive her. My mother has about 6-12 months left with advanced metastatic breast cancer, and my dad at 87 has at most 10 years (although the odds are that the prostate cancer will return eventually).

So within a 10 year timeframe, i'll be pretty much completely alone. I'll be able to shoot myself in my home, and my body can decompose for months before the stench gets the neighbors to call the cops. The bacterial decomposition will cause my body to bloat with gasses and eventually liquefy all my organs. The stuff will ooze into the carpet and down into the basement. I guess then they'll cremate me, and my ashes will be the property of the state. Good to see my tax money work for me.

Yes, the future looks bright indeed, i'd better wear shades.

Memorial Day Jam 1978

2010-05-21T21:14:00.007-04:00

Next weekend marks the 32nd anniversary of one of the most sacred events in Dipdom, the fabled MEMORIAL DAY JAM, featuring Foghat, Rainbow, and the Hounds. The event was held at Allentown Fairgrounds back when they used to have regular outdoor gigs there.

Now why is this event so special, you might ask. This event marked the beginning of Dipism, back when I first organized and developed the concept and theory of Dip, or the Theory of Lose, and drafted the Dip Bible. It is analogous to when Hitler wrote Mein Kampf while in prison, or when Marx drafted the Communist Manifesto. In other words, it is an event of historic importance. I suddenly realized that losing wasn't something I was able to change or escape no matter what the circumstances. Lose was not a conscious decision, but something that followed you your whole life no matter what you did to try to eradicate it. It is much like trying to break the speed of light. It simply cannnot be done without re-writing the laws of physics. Similarly, a Dip can never win, and if he does, it would be breaking the laws of physics so it will essentially never happen in this present universe. Maybe in a parallel universe, or the next one, but we can't wait that long. So in order to relieve this ever present cloud of lose, we worshipped Metal and the jam. We decided to devote our lives to loud rock and roll, and the pursuit of materialistic things like axes, amps, cars,guns, high end audio, etc. Here we are a decade into the 21st century, and nothing has changed. My theory is proven. I tried marriage, fatherhood, match dot com, all with complete failure. My advanced degree has gotten me nowhere in a shitty job. My ex wife is sucking me dry for every cent she can legally steal. She gets so much fucking money from me that she hasn't even worked in over a year. The one child I have has a terminal genetic illness. Need I go on about the cloud of lose??

Back the the Memorial Jam. The jam was a great way to celebrate the drafting of the concept of Dip, and Foghat and Rainbow were both at the top of their game and kicking major ass at the time. We arrived early to catch the opening band, the Hounds, who we'd never heard of. They surprisingly kicked butt and prompted us to seek out their debut album when we got back.

Rainbow were next, and they stole the show. Blackmore was on fire, destroying his Strat and the whole stage at the end. Dio, RIP. They opened with Kill the King, a suitably smoking opening tune.

What was cool about the shows in the 70's was everyone was still openly smoking weed at the shows. There was always a big cloud of pot smoke. This one dude was ODing right on the steps next to us, whatever the F he was on, bad heroin or something, the guy was out of his mind. He's probably dead now.

Foghat were last on the bill, touring on their massively successful and smoking Live album. They had sound problems which hindered the total enjoyment. Lonesome Dave and the drummer had an extended jam with Lonesome Dave on his Les Paul Junior.

We showed up at the gig wearing DS Audio T shirts. We were at the height of our high end audio obsession and had just purchased our Advents so we could enjoy the albums with true authority. Rock T shirts were just starting to catch on then. Dip still has the shirt and here it is. H David Smith, check it out. One head said we looked like a bunch of fags wearing those shirts. He was probably right. I should of had a Slayer shirt. But Slayer wouldn't exist for another 5 years.

Dio's Dead

2010-05-19T19:42:00.004-04:00

I didn't even know he was sick, hell he was even on tour last year with Heaven and Hell. But the legendary DIO has now passed to that great mosh pit in the sky. Dead of stomach cancer at 67. Damn, 67 and the dude was still kicking ass.

Dio was a major influence on the lives of Dips. It all started with the legendary Memorial Day Jam at Allentown Fairgrounds,1978, with Foghat, Rainbow, and Hounds. Rainbow were touring for the "Long Live Rock and Roll" album and were at the top of their game. Blackmore destroyed his axe along with the entire stage and everyone went ballistic.

Dio influenced us so much that we named a pinball move after him, the "Dio Move". This is when you raise your arm after flipping in a highly flamboyant style, attempting to mock the table and show it who's boss. Only skilled players can pull off the Dio Move without repurcussions.

Dio went on to Black Sabbath for Heaven and Hell, then went for his solo career. Below is a list of classic, must own Dio. Rock on, brother.

ELF. I don't own the ELF records, but i've heard they are more boogie, piano driven stuff. The first one is supposed to be the best.

RAINBOW. The two essential albums are "Rising" and "Long Live Rock and Roll". Rising is perhaps the best thing ever done by Dio in any band/format. A classic record.

BLACK SABBATH. Dio jump started Sabbath again with "Heaven and Hell" and "Mob Rules". The live album, "Live Evil" is good, too.

DIO. The solo band, the first two records, "Holy Diver" and "Last in Line" are good stuff and equally essential.

HEAVEN AND HELL. Dio re-unites with Sabbath, who really can't put up with Ozzy and Sharon anymore.

"And they'll tell you black is really white
The moon is just the sun at night
And when you walk thru golden halls
you get to keep the gold that falls
It's heaven and hell!"

HERESY!!!

2010-05-12T21:41:00.003-04:00

I'm a big fan of Klipsch speakers. I'm not talking about the newer, junky ones sold at Best Buy. Klipsch definitely took a bad turn and lost their credibility by doing that move. But i'm talking about their "classic" speaker line which includes the Klipschorn, LaScalla, Cornwall, Forte, and Heresy.

Most audiophiles will laugh at those and not seriously call them "high end". But most audiophiles don't listen to hard rock. For that, Klipsch are the perfect speaker unrivaled by just about anything. There are two reasons for this. One, they are incredibly efficient and can be driven to concert sound pressure levels using a moderately powered amp. A 40 or 50 watt tube amp is the perfect choice. Two, they will do this with very low distortion mostly due to the horn loaded drivers.

I don't know, but when I first heard that pair of Heresy's way back when playing loud rock and roll, I was sold. Who gives a shit if they are colored. No other speaker gives the visceral punch of these babies. Try to play 120db Slayer on a pair of Magneplanars. They will just fart out at maybe 95db. For those volumes you need to move A LOT of air.

The pair of Forte II's that I have now are my oldest component. If I do switch, i'll probably just get a new pair of Heresy's but I see no reason to change. Maybe i'll pick up a pair of Heresy's on ebay for a spare.

For those with unlimited funds, get the Klipschorn. They're about as big as a coffin, but they look cool. Astound your friends by driving them to ear splitting volumes with a NAD 40 watt integrated amp!!!

Punks Not Dead....Yet

2010-05-07T22:29:00.003-04:00

If you said "Punk is Dead" i'd have to generally agree with you. What is out there nowadays that compares to the classic stuff like the Pistols, Black Flag, Damned, Dead Kennedys etc etc?? Nothing, at least to my knowledge. And don't say Green Day, either. While I happen to still like Green Day they are firmly entrenched in mainstream pop rock.

I haven't really heard a great punk rock album in at least 10 years. But that has all changed now.

I give to you the COLUMBIAN NECKTIES.

A friend of mine at work, who is into less heavy stuff like Wilco, somehow stumbled onto these guys. Upon first listen, I could not believe what I was hearing. Holy Shit!! THIS IS PUNK ROCK!!! It's just full throttle rock and roll Ramones crossed with Angry Samoans. Come to think of it it is very similar to the Action Swingers stuff. Hell they even do a cover of AC/DC's "Riff Raff". They know, like I do, that AC/DC's best album is "Powerage".

I'm not sure these guys even exist anymore, and their stuff is not released in the US. Looks like they're from Sweden. The first two albums, "Abrance!" and "Why Change Your Moves", are essential and perhaps the best punk rock one-two punch of the last decade. Buy it if you can find it!!!

Peavey Bandit: Wheres DA TUBES??

2010-05-07T22:04:00.005-04:00

I'll freely admit i'm a tube amp snob. I collect them like a kid collects Matchbox (do kids do that anymore?). Marshalls, Orange, Matamp, Boogie, Soldano, Reeves, Fender, you name it and I have to have it. Even if I only plug into it maybe once a year, still. You can't call me a hoarder cause it's not junk. I'm just a materialistic collector. Aw Fuck it, i'm a tube amp and guitar hoarder. So fucking what! I'm going to start hoarding guns next!!!

Anyway, most guitarists agree there's no sound like a tube amp. For the most part this is true and i'll generally agree. But there's one amp i've heard that really puts a monkey wrench in that theory. In fact, this amp may be the best bargain in all of ampdom. It may be the best amp under $1000, tube or solid state.

I'm talking about the legendary, solid state PEAVEY BANDIT. You can get a new one at Musicians Friend for $299. HERESY you say!! (no, that's what Paul Klipsch said, and the speaker was named the Klipsch Heresy, but that's another story for another blog).

This amp has been around in various incarnations for decades. Most tube snobs associate it with a beginners amp, or an amp you get if you can't afford the big rigs. It is now, just like everything else, made in China. Dammit if it doesn't have the heaviest, thickest, most realistic tube amp sound ever to spit out of a solid state hunk of junk. Plug a Les Paul into the high gain channel, set to "Classic" mode, and set the speaker emulator to "Loose". Man there's a Marshall JCM800 right there. Don't tell me it isn't close, because I OWN a Marshall JCM800, and all I have to do is go into the other room and plug into that for the comparison. The 4x12 cab will give the head a little more ooomph, but dammit this Peavey just kicks major ass!! It's loud as hell too. It has other "modes", like a scooped midrange, that doesn't sound as hot. But that classic mode does the trick.

Now i'm not saying go sell your stacks. But for a backup amp, a practice amp, a recording amp, hell even a mic'd live amp, this Bandit will fit the bill. Jesus you see used ones on ebay for $150. For that price it's a goddam steal. You can easily keep this as your main amp. It's that good. It just doesn't look as cool as a wall of Marshalls.

Shrine of Doom

2010-04-17T09:36:00.003-04:00

Ever since listening to Sabbath's "Master of Reality", i've been a fan of what is now called "DOOM" metal. Essentially that album defined it, but it lives on to this day in various incarnations. Basically if you are as depressed and fucked up as I am, doom metal is a good friend to have. If you are really depressed and questioning whether to put a gun to your head and end the misery, a slab of doom metal at high volume will give you the correct answer. I guess, since i'm writing this now, I haven't had the volume up enough.

NOW...What we got here is the first real DOOM supergroup. And i'm not talking about Chickenfoot, either. SHRINEBUILDER has veteran WINO (ex Saint Vitus, Obsessed, etc etc), Al Cisneros (ex SLEEP), and some dude who is in the MELVINS (I never really cared for the Melvins). There's another guy, too, but I never heard of him. So really this thing has the potential to out-doom them all. Nevertheless it will be pretty hard to top Sleep's "Jerusalem", the 40 minute one-riff doom masterpiece.

Review as soon as it arrives!!

Also...

RAVEN/Walk thru Fire RAVEN practically invented thrash metal and get absolutely no credit. That's because they made a huge boo-boo when they signed to a major after "All for ONe" and wimped out their sound over a 4 to 5 album stretch. They tried to rectify the mistake over the last 20 years but by then everyone had moved on. They're back again...and this time the stuff promises to be as potent as "Rock Till U Drop" and "Wiped Out". I mean....Metallica, also guilty of changing their sound to a more "radio friendly" metal.....OPENED for Raven once!!
Stay tuned...Review as soon as it arrives!!!

The Office......RIP

2010-03-01T21:38:00.002-05:00

Much like what happened with Seinfeld, i've started getting into "The Office" after it has been on already for several seasons. For some reason I just never bothered to check it out and give it a chance. Now, after watching all the reruns for the last month or two, i've concluded that it is perhaps the best comedy since Seinfeld.
Or should I say, "was" the best comedy.

For "The Office" has now gone where no comedy should ever go. Seinfeld never took it to extreme and thus remained a true classic comedy all the way to the end. Can you imagine a Seinfeld episode where Jerry marries Elaine?? The writers knew better, thank god. "All in the Family" succumbed to it. "Cheers" I think flirted with it.
What i'm talking about is when they start having "Wedding" and "Baby" episodes. This weeks "Office" episode features "sweet girl" Pam's and "office stud" Jim's baby. Oh, what a joy. I'm sure it will be so funny.

Now, don't these writers get it. No matter what you do, a "baby" or "wedding" episode is NEVER funny. Seinfeld had George get "engaged"....but the whole plot revolved around him trying to get OUT of it, which was genius. Not in the Office. Stud gets hot chick, stud marries hot chick, stud knocks up hot chick. Funny? No.
You see that all around you every day.

A better plotline would have been for Halpert to get rejected by Pam for the third time, and somehow have her go crazy and start dating Michael or Oscar the gay guy. Or work it that he thinks he knocks up Phyllis, but she's not pregnant, just fat. Damn they should hire me to write the shows.

So, although I think "The Office" was perhaps the best post-Seinfeld comedy, it's reign has come to an end.

It's gonna be hard to find a replacement. That's what she said.

The Green and Black

2010-02-25T19:48:00.004-05:00

Overkill, those venerable thrash metal veterans, have released their 54th album, "Ironbound". Now why is this event bloggable?? Read on, kiddies.

I first saw Overkill around 1983-84 when they opened for the legendary Dead End Kids at the Empire Rock room in Philly. They were a young thrash outfit and had the leather and make-up look that was popular at the time. They were hungry to win over the audience and kicked major ass. The Dead End Kids on that night, was perhaps one of the last times we saw them live. They plowed thru their classic riff-rockers like "Dead End Kids" and "Rough House Rock" along with their obscure covers like Alex Harvey's "Faith Healer". Somebody should have a tribute site for them somewhere...they were one helluva live band.

We continued to see Overkill throughout the 80's mostly at the Airport Music Hall, where we could count on a TT Quick gig at least every other month, and also some of the best Ramones shows were there. Every time we saw Overkill Blitz would have a different rap with the audience. For example..."I see there's beer upstairs....I'll be right up after the show!!".....stuff like that. Or...."man, you motherfuckers get uglier every time I see you!"

Here we are 27 years later, and the DEK's are sadly long defunct (probably all dead except for Mattson...). Overkill suprisingly still survive, with Blitz and Verni the sole original members.. but yet as sure as the sun rises, and I lose, a new Overkill album is out.
And dammit, this motherfucker just kills.

I say Overkill are the most underrated band in thrash. They deserve to be right up there with Exodus, Slayer and Testament as the "fourth" great thrash band. Churning out one album and tour after another for 25 plus years, Blitz delivers the goods time and time again. I've seen them live maybe 50 times. My favorite era has to be when Tim Mallare was on drums, the dude ranks up there with Lombardo as one of the great thrash drummers.

Now of course some of their mid-90's albums were spotty. A few good tunes, a few duds, some deviations from true thrash. But compared to other bands of the genre who sold out completely (uh, Metallicrap come to mind), Overkill remained heavy.

Ironbound is a complete return to form and may be their best album in 20 years.
The riffs, the speed, the precision, they are all there. Blitz is Blitz and belts out the vox like it was 1983 and they were opening for the Dead End Kids.

It's early, but this will probably be a contender for album of the year.

"WE DON'T CARE WHAT YOU SAY....FUCK YOU!!!!"

Pass the Ketchup...err Catsup

2010-02-15T20:42:00.004-05:00

I just placed an order on Ketchupworld.com for some Heinz ketchup and Heinz mustard in the original glass bottles.

I've always thought Heinz was the best ketchup, but lately i've been itching for a showdown between Heinz, Hunts, and Del Monte. Problem is, you can't hardly find Del Monte anymore, and if you do, all of them are in the plastic squeeeze containers which ruins it anyway. But i've read some glowing reviews of Del Monte ketchup, it seems it is a well kept secret and that is IS the best ketchup. I just gotta find some, I think Wal Mart has it.

"Where are you going?" "Wal Mart. I gotta pick up some Del Monte ketchup".

I did pick up a plastic bottle of Hunts cause it was on sale. Hunts seems to be the blue collar ketchup. Only low class establishments serve Hunts.

As for mustard, Heinz mustard is the best. But again, try to find the damn stuff in a store. All you get is French's and Plochmanns. Heinz blows them away.

So thank god for sites like Ketchup World that let you find the stuff in the ORIGINAL FUCKING GLASS BOTTLES!!

Classic Albums Revisited: UFO-Strangers in the Night

2010-02-15T20:20:00.002-05:00

This will be one in a series of installments re-visiting some of my favorite albums. Right up there with Grand Funk Live, Live at Leeds, Lizzy's Live and Dangerous, etc etc, is one of my favorite live albums of all time, UFO's Strangers in the Night.

I remember first reading about UFO in Circus magazine in 1974-75. I distinctly remember it was a review for the "Force It" album, and it was one of those reviews where it had the one ear, two ears, two loud ears, etc. rating system. Needless to say the review expounded on the incredible Schenker leads that populate the record, and I had to go out and get it. It was not a disappointment. In fact, I still say that "Force It" is their best studio LP, their most raw and rocking. Schenker is on fire throughout the whole thing.

Which brings us to the live album. After hearing this Schenker became, and still is, my favorite guitarist. The tone, melody, phrasing, is just unbelievable. Plus he's playing a Gibson Flying V into a 50W Marshall stack, the ultimate rock tone set-up. Some of the leads sound easy, but try to play them. You can't. The whole album is just one rock and roll juggernaut from beginning to end with most of the Force It stuff on there, and their show stopping finale "Rock Bottom". Hell, even the Highway Kings covered "Doctor Doctor".

Schenker, being the drunken genius that he is, came and went but UFO carries on to this day with shredder Vinnie Moore on axe. It ain't the same, nor is the Schenker solo stuff the same, either. This was the magic mix, the line up that played on this album. Again, the Chapman-era UFO had some rocking stuff as well but it just wasn't the same.

Next installment: the new Overkill album, "Ironbound". Blitz returns with a thrash masterpiece!!

Re-Discovered Tuneage and Movies

2009-12-22T17:58:00.003-05:00

To while away the upcoming Xmas eve and New Years' Eve alone, I've been rummaging thru my vast collection of media and have re-discovered some lost gems. I've sort of forgotten just how good these are, and they are worth seeking out and repeated listenings/viewings. Here's the list.

1. American Beauty. One of the greatest movies of all time. I mean, you know this is gonna be a classic when you see the protagonist Lester Burnham, in the shower jerking off, lamenting "this is the highlight of my day. It's all downhill from here". Classic.

2. Eraserhead. Another Lynch masterpiece (all of them are), but this one has just that much more bleakness and overall hopelessness. I like to watch this at least once a year.

3. Cheap Trick, first album. Cheap Trick were never this heavy again, but this one is loud and angry. Peterson's bass is up in the mix and the whole band is on fire. Glimpses of this could be found on "Heaven Tonight" with "Auf Weidershen" but this remains their heaviest.

4. Faces: A Nod is as Good as a Wink to a Blind Horse. OK, I like the Faces,and this is their best album. The big hit was "Stay With Me" but most of it is good rock and roll.

5. Torch-Torch. This is a mid-80's power metal outfit from Sweden I believe. They were pretty much forgotten, but man this is one smoking riff-filled monster of a record.

6. Rush-Caress of Steel. I thought this was always one of the weaker early Rush albums, but now I like it. It's got a lot of light/heavy interludes and you just sort of get absorbed into the music. Of course everything post-Moving Pictures sucks doggie doo.

7. Alice Cooper-Love it to Death. My second favorite Cooper album after Killer, this one begins telling you it's all a dream (Caught in a Dream), and ends with you waking up from it (Sun Arise). Black Juju, baby!!

8. Mary My Hope-Museum. This was released and ignored around 1989, but I think it's a great album. Real heavy guitars, depressing lyrics, light/heavy kinda song structures.

9. Gimme Shelter. My all-time favorite concert "documentary" with the well known Stones Altamont gig chronicled. Really just a bunch of drunken stoned kids, just like concerts are like now, so what's the big deal??

10. Jacob's Ladder. A Lynchian kinda film where you really don't know what is real or not, but nevertheless a great great film.

11. Buffalo 66. A Vincent Gallo film, this dude is whacked and so is this film. Has a huge breasted Christina Ricci as the subject of his lust. "Just spanning time, spanning time".

Deck the Halls with Boughs of Lose

2009-11-30T20:57:00.003-05:00

"Why am I such a misfit? I am not just a nitwit. You can't fire me, I quit! Seems I don't fit in". Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer, the Misfit Song.

Well fellow losers the dreaded holiday season is upon us once again. It's something I dread even more so than the annual colonoscopy. Its the best time to realize just how freaking miserable life is and how everyone else around you seems to be happy and successful, driving BMW's and fucking their nympho MILF wives. This year i've managed to take inventory of my life so far, and seeing as tho it's more than half over, makes me want it to be ALL over, the sooner the better. Let's just say that if the first half sucked and was the epitome of lose, the second half will make the first half look like a proverbial paradise.

Where the first half of my life can be summed up with the word LOSE, the second half will be summed up with the word DEATH. That's all I see on the horizon. Nothing else, just death. Parents will be first, followed by child. After that I don't know what i'll want to do but i'm certain that I won't want to devote my life to my fucking job. The first option is to go out and seek retrubution to all the assholes throughout my life and blow their heads off. I'm particularly targeting a few bosses who fucked me over in the past. Another option is to go on a massive spending binge, buy cars, travel, max out every card and spend every dime. When that goes, then the gun to the head. Since I won't have any family left, nobody will be responsible for my financial folly.

Remember what Lester Burnham said in Americal Beauty..."when you have nothing, you have nothing to lose". Man that is one helluva movie. One of the best of all time. Maybe I should get a 1970 Pontiac Trans Am and get a job at Mr. Smiley's. Would you like a smiley fries with that??

I hope those idiot Mayans were right and it will all end in 2012 but i'm not counting on a bunch of stoned mexicans to predict the future. Same with Nostradumbass.

And so fellow losers have a merry fucking christmas. For that Christmas eve alone, I recommend porno, loud doom metal (Trouble's first album comes to mind),and strong weed. And maybe a frozen pizza.

Welcome Back My Friends, to the Lose that Never Ends

2009-09-09T22:31:00.004-04:00

Now that summer is over and another long, cold depressing winter of lose is imminent, I typically resort to blatant materialism to help gain a bit of happiness. Of course it's all short lived and fleeting, but it's all i've got. So i've been spending money like a mad democrat lately. My first purchase, something desperately needed for my EXIT PLAN, is a Ruger LCP pistol. This is the hottest gun out there for concealed carry and has been backordered for a year. It should serve it's ultimate purpose no problem...

Then on a whim I bought another TV....a Samsung 40 inch LED backlit LCD. New TV's always give you maybe a week or two of new-found happiness. Imagine the bliss of the CW's Tuesday night line-up on hi-res!! 90210 and Melrose Place!! How can it get better than that??

I found myself a little short of spending cash after this bonanza, and decided to hock my 14K gold wedding band that has been collecting dust. Hey gold is $1000 an ounce. So guess what I got for that little bad memory?? 40 bucks. I used the money to buy toilet paper and other sundries at Wal Mart. So much for those memories, eh?? Right in the toilet where they belong.

Musik...er...Slutfest 2009

2009-08-10T13:13:00.006-04:00

Well faithful readers of the Blog of Lose, it is time yet once again to review the event of events, the highlight of the summmer, Musikfest 2009 or as we affectionately call it, Slutfest. It's hard to believe it has come and gone already, and now all there is to look forward to is a cold, dark, and lonely winter where I count down the days till next year. 363 days and counting....

So how did this year rate?? As expected, the music was worse, the food worser (is that a word??), and the sluts hornier than ever before!! Yes indeed the teenage cooze could be smelled a half mile away (then again that might of been the tuna taco stand). The outfits remained consistent in the short denim skirt with no underwear, strappy top with the thingies falling out, and flip flops. Any wench who didn't have the flip flops was committing a real fashion faux pas, and should have been punished by taking her diaphragm and vibrator. The boobs on these high school sluts are never less than C and D cups, what the hell is in those school cafeteria foods??

As expected the hotties were constantly touching themselves, flipping their hair, pulling their shorts, and fixing their tops to prevent their breasts from spilling out. It's all a blatant display of "I'm ready to fuck now". I read that the average sexually active teenage girl has sex three times a day. That means in a month, she has had 3X more sex than I have had my whole lifetime (do the math........8 years of marriage to a frigid, bipolar chick with sex maybe once every 3-4 months equals about about 30 times).

Of course the scenery was enhanced by a nice long smoke outside in the Cigar tent, after the customary stop at Potts for some dogs. I had a Romeo Y Julieta aged maduro. There was this 40-ish hag in the tent smoking a cigar who's skin looked like it had dried in the tobacco huts along with the wrappers. She thought she looked good, too.
We did our best to capture some of the entertainment with a mini digital cam.

Technics vs. Rega, Round 15

2009-05-21T21:06:00.004-04:00

Now that i've been getting into vinyl again, it seems that in audiophile circles the "Frazier vs. Ali" fight of the century is the Technics Sl-1200 Mk. 2 against the Rega P3. Both are turntables and they are at opposite sides of the spectrum with regards to engineering, cult following, and audiophile acceptance. Belt drive versus direct. Straight tonearm vs. S-shaped. And on and on. If you happen to read any of the columns of the "Vinyl Anachronist", this Mark Philips dude, you realize that this is quite a heated debate, and it seems that if you are a "true" audiophile you will hate the Technics and love the Rega. Now, audiophiles are not the most scientific bunch. Mark Philips has offered to have a 'sound-off" between the two tables however won't agree to a blind test. Which scientifically invalidates the whole exercise. If he is pre-disposed to hate the Technics, he will. And sure enough, he does. But he's probably one of those dudes who can hear the difference using a green magic marker on the edge of a CD. It seems that the more scientific audiophile, the ones who are into specs and measurements, like the Technics. Specs don't lie. For the most part, I happen to agree more with the latter group. It has gotten to the point that I bet some guys are "afraid" to admit they like the Technics when in the presence of the audio elite who feel that direct drive tables are as good as dog shit.

Now, I happen to OWN both of thest turntables. Which makes it easy for me to make an objective comparison. And i'm not one of those brand loyal audiophiles.
Here's the deal. The Technics is a better built, more refined table. It weighs a ton and is acoustically dead. The Rega is a piece of MDF that a motor is attached to. Pretty sparse. The Rega tonearm is supposedly a "classic" and does indeed seem well engineered. Then again, so does the Technics arm, and it has adjustable VTA, too. So on mere quality of materials and build aesthetics, the Technics wins.

But it's the sound, you say. Which one SOUNDS better?? And the answer is....Fuck if I know!!! I've listened to loud rock and roll for 30 years and my ears are essentially FRIED. I have a different cartridge in each, so right there is a huge variable. Both tables sound good to me. The Rega has the edge most likely due to the top of the line Shure V15 cartridge in there. But I sure do prefer the build quality of the Technics, the damn thing is like a tank.

So what is the verdict of all this hoopla?? Get whatever table you want. It's your money. Just spin the black circle, baby.

I will admit that the table I am using, however, is the Rega. I'm just too scared that a real audiophile will make fun of me if I use the Technics.

Frozen Pizza Blues

2009-05-01T22:14:00.004-04:00

Let's face it, a big staple of my diet is frozen pizza. Fresh pizza is the other main staple. But in a pinch, it's nice to just pop in a few slices in the toaster oven and enjoy a snack.

Now what bothers me is the frozen pizza's of today are just NOT AS GOOD as the ones from 20, 30 years ago. Why is that??

There were 3 frozen pizzas that I used to get in the 70's and 80's.....ELLIOS, BUITONI, and ROMAN. Of course you can still buy Ellios, but as everyone knows, another company bought the name and the pizza AINT THE SAME. Just the box is. Buitoni used to be my favorite. It was a square pie and the sauce and cheese were awesome. The Roman pizza was round, single serving size but they were damn good. All of them were good.

Now, i've done some research. It seems that the original Ellios formula can now be found in BETZIOS pizza. Look it up. Now BETZIOS is hard to find, however, we are in luck, as the company makes a load of "store brand" pizzas that are the same thing. Lo and behold, the "ACME" frozen pizza is actually Betzios, which is actually the original Ellios. Got it??

I found some Betzios and tried it. It's close to the original Ellios, but not quite the same. But as close as you'll get. Way closer to the original Ellios than the current Ellios.

Why McCain changed the Ellios formula is a mystery to me. That's like new Coke or something.

Now, as Buitoni and Roman are mere tasty memories, what is around now to take their place??

We have Stouffers French Bread Pizza, not bad. It seems like the cheeze never melts on these things (the cheeze gets dehydrated, or "freezer burnt" too fast).
You have Tombstone, Tonys, Celeste, DiGiorno, Freschetta, and Red Baron. I've tried them all. The Red Baron Deep Dish are not bad. Tonys you can get at WalMart for a buck. Freschetta and DiGiorno are too expensive, hell, for $7 i'll get a goddam fresh pie!!

None of them are as good as Buitoni and Roman used to be. Why is that??

I guess i'll be heading to Acme to get some REAL Ellios pizza. Acme Brand.

Jim Dandy to the Rescue!!!

2009-05-01T21:26:00.003-04:00

One of my favorite live albums of long ago, and it still ranks right up there, is Black Oak Arkansas' "Raunch and Roll Live". You knew it had to be good just from the picture of Jim Dandy on the back cover. Wanna know where David Lee Roth got his ideas?? Look no further. Hey, he even admits it. The highlight of the Black Oak live show was when Jim Dandy got out his scrubboard and they smashed the guitars right after Brother Tommy Aldridge's drum solo in the song "Up". Yeah, they rocked.

Now I see, as part of Rhino Records hugely over-priced "Rhino homemade" series, a double "Raunch and Roll" containing two entire shows, songs from each making up the original album. So you get other cuts like "Uncle Elijah" that didn't make the first cut, you get the entire original version of "Raunch and ROll", and you get alternate versions of the same songs. Now my friends, is it worth it?? Don't ask me, I haven't bought it. Too pricey for me. But i'd really like to hear it.

Another over-priced goodie on the Rhino "homemade" thing is the Cactus "Fully Unleashed: live gigs vol. 2". Now, I actually popped for the Volume 1 of this and I must say it was worth it. Primo smoking boogie with the original line-up of Rusty Day on vox, Jim McCarty (Ted Nugents #1 influence!!) on axe, Bogart and Appice. This one is one whole concert in it's entirety with all the big hits like Token Choken, Oleo, and Evil.
And i'm really, really itching to pop for Vol. 2 however, jesus, there's no way i'm paying $50 for this.

I have picked up some other stuff like:

Chicago at Carnegie Hall: Don't laugh. Terry Kath-era Chicago rocked!! Listen to the 15 minute guitar jams on this one and you'd think it was the Allman Bros. with a horn section!!

Leaf Hound-Unleashed. Now this was a bit of a disappointment. Expecting Zep-like blues boogie, I was a bit let down to hear Bad Company sounding mid tempo hard rock. Not bad, but not good. Features ex-Cactus vocalist Peter French.

Guns are Power

2009-03-20T16:04:00.002-04:00

I think I want to buy a gun. Like General Aldo said in "Battle for the Planet of the Apes", "We- want- guns!! Guns- are- power!!". It took an ape to say it like it really is, cut to the chase of the matter. Now, as a gun novice, i'm quite baffled at the choices there are. I mean, who the fuck is buying all these guns?? There are like hundreds of models. The ammo is another thing, there are zillions of sizes, gauges, etc. They should categorize them as "might kill", "will kill", and "will disintegrate human flesh".

My choices are a handgun or a revolver for pistols, and most likely a shotgun for home use. There are several online stores and I found one right close by in Pottstown called "Sniper PX". The funny thing is, every gun on there, it says "Out of Stock". I can't believe guns are selling so fast they can't keep up with demand!!
Now do I choose a Smith and Wesson revolver, or a Glock pistol?? The idea is to get one and start practising at a shooting range. There's a shooting range at work here. It's conveniently located in my boss' office. There is even a target in there, too!!

Alex Lifeson Disease

2008-12-28T20:44:00.002-05:00

There was this website I stumbled across called "DinosaurRock" or something like that, and it had profiles of all the classic rock guitarists of the 60's and 70's.
All the usuals were there like Hendrix, Clapton, Page etc etc. A funny post though was the one on Alex Lifeson, and it went on about how he hasn't played with any "fire" for the last 30 years. They called such a wimping out "Alex Lifeson Disease", however admitting that the original culprit was probably none other than Eric Clapton. Yes indeed, Clapton was probably the first one who went from Gibson SG's into Marshall stacks and 20 minute jams to total crapola never to return. I mean, the guy even did a Cream reunion and played thru a Strat and a combo amp like a real wussie. Now, this disease seems to be quite rampant and I can add the following names having this affliction:

1. Eddie Van Halen. Jeez, this guy hasn't put out anything good in what, 24 years??
His guitars suck, too.

2. Jeff Beck. Another one who seems to dabble in everything BUT real kick ass rock and roll. Jazz, fusion, R&B, what the fuck Jeff, just rock you wussie!!!

3. Brian May. I don't know how Brian allowed Freddie to morph Queen from the earlier rock sound to the pop disco band they turned into. I guess Freddie wore the pants in that band, eh??

4. Ritchie Blackmore. Ritchie probably gets the award for the most 180 degree change in musical direction, ever. And it's all cause he's pussy whipped by his hottie wife. I mean have you heard the stuff he's putting out in Blackmores Night?? It's like folk renaissance music!! And this guy used to be smashing up strats every performance!! Jeez Ritchie, throw her ass out and start rocking again!!

5. Keith Richards. God bless good old Keef. But listen to how "Street Fighting Man" sounded on Get Yer Ya Ya's Out, and how it sounds the way they play it now. It doesn't even sound like the same tune!! Better get some more smack Keef and get back the sound!!

6. Eric Clapton. They should call Eric "Satan" instead of "God". To go from the 20 minute workout of "Spoonful" in Cream to evertthing else in his career can only be the work of the devil!!!

7. Rick Nielson. I love Cheap Trick.....but gotta admit it's been all downhill since "Heaven Tonight" which was 30 years ago!! The hyped-up "comeback" records really weren't all that great.

8. Ted Nugent. Ted's too busy hunting to give a shit anymore about guitar slinging.

2008: The Year of Lose

2008-12-24T17:16:00.004-05:00

As I sit here alone on Christmas Eve, it's time for my annual re-cap of the year of lose. As with other years, it seems like each year gets progressively worse, and this year, as always, did not disappoint!! In fact this year may rank right up there with the worst years of my miserable life (the worst one being 1994, the year I made the big mistake and married that money grabbing cunt). Evidence, you ask?? Take a look at the facts:

1. My daughter spent 2 weeks in the hospital due to complications of her disease. Unfortunately this will be a more and more common occurrence as she gets older and it starts to wreak it's havoc on her lungs.

2. My bonus at work got docked because my boss is an asshole and doesn't like me. One of these days, one of these days when I snap....well, just watch the movie "He Was a Quiet Man" and you'll see what i'm talking about.

3. My mother got diagnosed with metastatic recurrent breast cancer and it has spread all over her body. Prognosis 12 to 24 months.

4. I'm not alone here, but my 401K has been wiped out by this fucking market crash. Not that there was much left anyway after the ex wife stole most of it. But still, I was trying to re-build it.

5. There wasn't even that many gigs to cushion the misery factor. Testament, Overkill, that's about it. Oh, and Musikfest of course.

6. I finally meet some chick who I have some things in common with. Shit, she even likes the Three Stooges. She doesn't have the standard short hair, parrot head mommy look, either. Pretty face. What could ruin this, you ask?? Well, it turns out that she used to be a fattie, and she lost the weight and now has this wrinkly, loose skin that looks like elephant hide. It was quite a shocker when I got her naked. Yikes!!! And she's a nympho, too. Just my luck. Let me tell you, when you see that skin, you want her clothes back on fast!!

It all adds up to another banner year of Lose.

Now for some random, off the topic observations and comments:

The best album of the year? There's been some new thrash stuff that is decent. Evile, Hatchet, Bonded by Blood. The new Testament and Death Angel albums were good. I hate to admit it, too, but Metallica's Death Magnetic is pretty good. The new AC/DC sucks. Best one of the year, though?? Perhaps Sword's "Gods of the Earth".

Is it me, or does pro wrestling suck now?!! What happened to characters?? All it is now is a bunch of buff guys in tights, who go by their real names!! Were are the evil managers, like Lou Albano, Freddie Blassie, Grand Wizard?? Where are the wacky, over the top characters?? The last wrestling bit that I enjoyed was the WCW's "NWO" stuff.

Notice how all the hot chicks are wearing those UGG boots. That's the latest trend for being horny in the winter. sorta like those flip flops in the summer. Brown UGG boots, that's the hot item. Worn with tight jeans, and a white "snow bunny" ski jacket. "oooh look at me, i'm a snow bunny!!!"

Signing off on Xmas Eve..........Merry Fucking Christmas.

The Event of the Summer

2008-08-11T20:12:00.008-04:00

It's hard to believe that it's time once again to give a review of the Biggest Event of the Summer, the Event of All Events.....Musikfest, aka Slutfest 2008. Has it been a whole year already since i've feasted on the cigars and cooze?? Sure has. And once again, this year did not disappoint. The tits were bigger, the girls younger and sluttier, and the shorts shorter than ever before. It is a wonder to behold.

Now, for your viewing pleasure, we went one step further this year, and actually got some candid shots of the action. I'm sure most readers (uhh...I doubt that people read this, but still...) are skeptical and say that i'm exaggerating my observations. Now you will see just what i'm talking about.

Of course the routine is to first score some dogs at Potts, and my they were outstanding as usual. After that it's off to Main St. to get some after dinner cigars (Ashton Maduro's, without exception) and settle in to enjoy the view. It wouldnt' be Musikfest without the dopey Indians and the jailbait sluts parading around like porn stars. Check out the Indians...

These clowns are there every year, at the exact same spot. I'm sure people travel thousands of miles each year to catch them.

OK, now on to the good stuff. The sluts this year seemed to have one particular favorite outfit....the denim short shorts (with ass cheek showing), and the skimpy strappy top with visible bra straps (which "conveniently" always fall down their shoulder, so they can constantly pull it up). Of course the mandatory flip flops.
Take a look.

See what I mean?? Notice the short shorts. Notice the bra straps in the third photo. It was a bit tougher getting a frontal shot to demonstrate the preponderance of C and D cups but rest assured small tits were about as prevalent as good music. Most of the hornies were getting groped by their studs and i'm sure got ass fucked that evening (that's the latest trend, so that they can still say they're 'virgins"). Actually, i'd like to see the teen pregnancy stats 9 months from now...i bet there's an unexplained "spike".

Well there you have it. I can't wait till next year. The tits will be bigger, the shorts shorter, and the girls will call us creepy old perverts once again. How many more weeks left?? Only 51!!!

Philly Guitar Techs

2008-08-08T20:49:00.003-04:00

Having a bad case of G.A.S. (Gear Acquisition Syndrome)requires that I find some good local guitar techs. Not that I play out anymore, but still. I'm always itching to mess around and change pickups, refinish, or hot rod an Epiphone. Here are some of the dudes i've used and my analysis.

1. Tim at Superior Guitar, Flourtown. I've been going to Brother Tim for stuff for like 10 years now. Judging by other posts on the net it seems people either love him or hate him. There are 2 points with Tim you must know and realize firsthand. One, he's expensive. Two, he's slow. Most of the refinishes i've had him do took well over a year, more like a year and a half, to complete. OK, that being said, he has done nothing but stellar work for me and I have been completely satisfied. He knows what he's doing. I think he's too pricey for routine set-ups and pickup swaps, but for major work I recommend him. Right now he's refinishing a Faded V to Silverburst for me...he's had the axe for almost a year, when he's done i'll give a full report and pics. But the job he did on my 70's Gibson SG was flawless.

2. Mark Burkert, Precision Guitar Tech, Manayunk. I found Mark's name when Googling Philly Guitar Techs (go figure). Mark is real good and quick. He did a pick-up swap and a set-up on my Les Paul, and even called the next day to ask if I was pleased. It needed a fret dressing and that really did the trick. He offered to make any changes free of charge. I liked Mark enough to give him my TV Junior for a set-up also. Another guy I recommend.

3. Medley Music, Bryn Mawr. Whoever the guitar tech dude there is. I've been going to Medley for like 30 years, and I still take stuff in there for basic set-ups and minor stuff. No complaints.

4. Guitar Doctor, Reading Never tried this guy, but he looks good and i'm in Reading quite often....so one of these day I might give him a try. Supposedly he does the repair work for George's Music in Spring House (uh, where the hell is Spring House??) The only George's I know of is the one off 202 near Paoli.

5. South Jersey Guitar Repair. Kinda far away, but again, these guys have a good reputation and some real positive online feedback.

AMP TECHS

Good tube amp techs are harder to find. I also need a good tube amp guy for my hifi tube amps. I've asked around and the names that were recommended to me are:

1. Jim Walton. This guy seems to be THE guy in the Philly area.
2. Bob Konopka. Some guitarist at work gave me this guys name. I think he's the service guy for West Chester Music. Again, haven't used him but is recommended by someone I trust.

LIES, ALL LIES!!!

2008-07-25T22:09:00.002-04:00

I'm getting sick of all these winners at work telling me, "oh, you gotta get out there". Uh, yeah, OK. Let me explain just why all these self-help slogans and tidbits are complete bullshit. Want proof? Just film my life for a few weeks. You''ll see first hand. It would be the reality show that would make all other reality shows look like a fantasy land. Herewith are the lies....

LIE #1. "You gotta get out there". Well, it's not like i'm a recluse. I go to work. I go to the grocery store. I go to the mall. Nothing happens. Which leads to...

LIE #2. "You gotta make things happen". When I go to the mall and eat at the food court alone, i'm the only one in the whole court eating alone. I do a scan, there's usually no one else there alone, especially women. Everyone is coupled up. Same thing at work....everyone i'm interested in, is either engaged or married already. So just who are you supposed to make things happen with?? Yup, your right hand!!

LIE #3. "Someone comes into your life when you least expect it". Bullshit. I've been least expecting it for the last 20 years. Nothing has happened.

LIE #4. "You can meet women at bookstores". Again, bullshit. We've been going to the bookstore for like 5 years now. It's just a bunch of loser middle aged men in there, like us. There are no single women hanging out there. Any women that we have seen there are with their studs. All bullshit!!!

LIE #5 "There is somebody out there for everyone". Uhh, sure. Gee, maybe i'll find her by the time i'm 80!! What great sex we'll have!!

The true fact is, that most of these Lies are spouted off by winners who have like a week downtime between relationships, they have to do nothing to move from one chick to the next cause it just falls into their laps. Case in point is my buddy Josh who has women hitting on him constantly....when he dumps one, there's always another one right there to take her place. Absolutely no down time whatsoever. Same with chicks. Whats the downtime between studs? A week? A few days?? Oh, gee, must be tough being alone for that long!!!

Remember the Coop

2008-07-03T08:10:00.003-04:00

I see that a new Alice Cooper CD is coming out soon called "Along Came a Spider". Good old Alice, must be over 60 and still going at it. Now those of us who are old enough to have been around in Cooper's heyday (circa 1971-1973) know that, well, things just will never be the same, especially without the original Alice Cooper Group. One cannot underestimate just how cool the Alice Cooper Group was back then. Other bands may have had some theatrics, but Cooper took it to a whole new level. Like other supergroups Zeppelin, Stones, etc, Cooper put out a string of great albums starting with Love it to Death, Killer, Schools Out, and Billion Dollar Babies that cemented his legendary status. The live shows were over the top. It all went to his head, and once he decided that he didn't need the band and went "solo", it was all over (although, I must admit, "Welcome to my Nightmare", with Hunter and Wagner (of Lou Reed's "Rock and Roll Animal" fame) on lead guitars, wasn't all that bad). Michael Bruce wrote a lot of the great songs, and you had drunken Glenn Buxton playing that white three pickup Gibson Les Paul SG. They all had hair down to their ass. I suppose my favorite out of all the albums is Killer. Glenn's dead now, but Bruce, Dunaway and Smith are still around, however Alice repeatedly admits he will never regroup the band. Shame. There must be some bad blood there somewhere cause I think the other boys would do it (at least Bruce has said so) Rhino has just re-issued the first two CD's Pretties for You and Easy Action, both not as heavy but containing some good stuff nonetheless like "Return of the Spiders" and "Lay Down and Die, Goodbye". Will I buy the new album?? Probably not. I'll just go listen to Love it to Death again. Bodies.....Need.....Rest.

The Silverburst V

2008-07-02T08:25:00.003-04:00

Pretty soon, my happiness for the summer will be ensured. Brother Tim from Superior Guitar will be finished my Flying V, transforming a crappy "worn cherry" into a cool silverburst. The idea hit me after seeing Brent from Mastodon playing a custom shop silverburst. Now I didn't want to spend 5 grand on a custom shop, but I could take one that I had and transform it into what LOOKS like a custom shop. Of course it ain't cheep but nowhere near 5 grand. Here's what it will look like. Mine will have the pointy headstock which is characteristic of the 68-69 V's. I had to replace the stock pickups with 57 classics to complete the look.
Oh man, now i'll be able to play like Brent!! The happiness should last a week, maybe two!!

Wiz Wit, Please

2008-06-24T14:02:00.004-04:00

It's time for the annual pilgrimage to south Philly for our summer cheesesteak fix. Much like being strung out on smack, it seems that a prolonged period of no cheesesteaks is having a detrimental effect on my health, in that I am actually shitting normally for a change but experiencing severe withdrawal symptoms, like fever, chills, and stomach pain. Well, maybe the Lyme disease is kicking in again. Yes,kids, It's time for the Pats vs. Geno's showdown, 2008. The idea is to get a wiz wit from both Pats and Genos, wolf them down one after the other and determine the winner. Having a clean bathroom within a 20 minute radius is essential if you really want the wiz wit's. It can get nasty. If I decide at the last minute to chicken out of the authentic wiz wit experience, I'll go for the traditional provolone without, a less deadly choice. The last several years Pats emerged as the winner, will Joey Vento/Genos be able to pull a major upset this year? Sure it will pull an upset, it will upset my stomach!! Let me tell you, the last wiz wit I ate resulted in the foulest, nastiest dump i've ever had that very evening. The stench was so bad I almost vomited. It's the wiz, dammit. That freakin synthetic goop is essentially undigestible.

Hot on the heels of the cheesesteak run will be the annual Potts Doggie run as a prelude to Musikfest. Yes, it's that time again. My how time flies. It seems like only yesterday I was commenting on the scantily clad, big titted teenage sluts. Once Musikfest is over, you know summer is pretty much over. The days are already getting shorter. The stores might as well put the Xmas stuff out now.

BLOGGED OUT

2008-06-02T10:08:00.004-04:00

As all the faithful readers of this blog (all 3 of you) note, it's been a while since i've managed to post a new entry. The main reason is simply apathy. I can't even keep up with my DVD viewing. I'm backlogged on season 4 of Beverly Hills 90210 and Melrose Place already. Now I got the first two seasons of Buffy to get thru. I need 2 weeks of full time TV viewing. There's always something on regular TV that will interrupt my DVD watching. Like Ax Men, Man vs. Wild, or The Verminators. Now Ice Road Truckers is back on. Gotta see Hugh run that ice road.

Well another summer of Lose is upon us. And before you know it, it will be all over, with the only real enjoyment being maybe a few Ashton Aged Maduro's and a trip to Dutch Wonderland. The fucking price of Gas is really making it so that there's no extra cash for anything. What will be the tipping point where the whole economy collapses?? $7 a gallon?? $10/gallon??

Of course the gas crunch is affecting my luxury spending, namely, new axes. I've got my eyes on getting a Rickenbacker 330. Like Townshend used to use in the early Who days. I want to get one just to be able to smash it. yeah, yeah.

The only gig this summer that may be worth going to is the Judas Priest/Heaven and Hell/Motorhead/Testament thing. I'd rather just see Testament in a small club than go to this. If the new Priest album "Nostradamus" is as good as, say, Sad Wings of Destiny or Stained Class, well then, I might be more enthusiastic. But I doubt it....seriously doubt it. I mean the last one "Angel of Retribution" was a real stinker.

Other than that, I picked up the third Humble Pie record, and a few Sweet re-issues, Desolation Boulevard and Give Us a Wink.

It's Over, Johnny

2008-01-01T17:40:00.000-05:00

Well here we are in another year. While most people look forward to a new year and all the possibilities it brings, losers know better, and realize that each new year brings more and more lose, lose that is usually worse than ever before. Since I spent New Year's Eve alone, I had plenty of time to contemplate the inevitable (during commercials in the Planet of the Apes marathon). Of course the winners of the world will tell you it's all in your attitude and all that nonsense, but we know better. It's a force that is impossible to break, so why bother trying.

Now, here is the scenario for the future that I see. I don't see any fucking rays of sunshine in there.

1. I'm already on the shit list at work, for the sole reason of not being an A-typer and working 80 hour weeks. Fuck that. So i'm on the outs, and they (upper management) are making it clear that they want me gone. They'll keep screwing me until I cave, or they set you up for failure, and then force you to accept a package.

2. The parents are losing ground and it's only a matter of time before they are six feet under.

3. In all probablility I will outlive my daughter (who at 9 years old has statistically lived 1/3 of her life)and most likely will see her buried. Once that happens, it's pretty much it, no more family left. Will a Slayer gig every year sustain my interest in living? Not bloody likely!!

So there's the future. As Ozzy sang...."don't you see, suicide is the only way out...don't you know what i'm talking about!!"

Or as Cheap Trick sang....."there are many here among us, who feel that life's a joke, and for you we sing this final song, for you...there is no hope...NO HOPE!!"

Happy Fucking New Year, Folks!!

Let there be DOOM

2007-12-05T10:32:00.000-05:00

As the Christmas season approaches, natually us losers get more and more depressed. I mean, everyone else is all excited getting ready to spend the holidays with their loved one. Well, we have no loved ones. It's just another day alone for us. Which is why dragging out your doom records and playing at full volume will dull the senses and make it a bit more bearable. Add some booze and weed, and you're all set to get thru Xmas eve. These are the main DOOM players. All are essential listening. If you're lucky, these DOOM listenings will drive you to kill yourself, and you won't have to face another miserable holiday again!!! Merry Fucking Christmas.

1. Black Sabbath. Yeah, they're huge, but you gotta admit they started it all. Master of Reality is essential and perhaps still the defining slab of doom.

2. Pentagram. Bobby Leibling and his assortment of misfits have been on the scene forever and have gotten little recognition. Their stuff is primo and deserves to be bought.

3. Trouble. Ultra-heavy early stuff that morphed into a more psychedelic groove in later albums like "Manic Frustration". Still around, new album even, but not quite as heavy as before.

4. Candlemass. Their first LP "Epicus Doomicus Metallicus" has the classic tune "Solitude" with the line "please let me die in solitude". Appropriate listening for your New Years' Eve alone. Didn't like subsequent lead singer Messiah Marcolin...but he's gone now, so they're good again. Actually I bought the new album and it kills!!!

5. Electric Wizard. Heavy, heavy weed influenced doom....best album is Dopethrone, their newer stuff including new album Witchcult Today is weak however.

6. Sleep. Their second album "Sleeps Holy Mountain" was a Master of Reality clone while they eventually produced a 40 minute slab of one note riffing that is the controversial Jerusalem. You either love it or hate it but the Green Matamps are cooking no matter what.

7. Sword. Not really doom per se, perhaps just a bit too fast, but heavy as hell. Check out the movie where Lindsay Lohan plays a stripper (what a stretch...) and you will hear a Sword tune playing while she humps the pole.

8. Cathedral. Another band seemingly around forever, some great doom on their early stuff but a bit faster on their classic "Ethereal Mirror". Their best tune is "Ride".

9. Witchfinder General. Named after the cult movie featuring Vincent Price as Hopkins, the Witchfinder General. Two seminal albums that are hard to find now, but you are behooved to track them down.

10. Ramsess. Formed from the ashes of Electric Wizard, these guys have taken over the torch and are now beating the Wiz at their own game. What can I say...it's heavy!!

Matched Out

2007-10-19T15:45:00.000-04:00

Well, now that my whirlwind one-year relationship has officially ended after a disastrous, ill-fated trip to niagra falls, I find myself in the cesspool of frustrated singles once again. To be honest, I really think it's just time to throw in the towel. The experiment of Lose was done, and the results ended in failure (did you expect anything less??). The experiment was essentially to test whether an average divorced guy with a good job and the title "Dr." in front of my name can score tons of hot 40-something divorced chicks who are sex-starved. Let the facts speak for themselves, to wit...

1. I spent about 4 years and over 100 "dates" before any remotely attractive woman would even go out with me twice. Now let's analyze this. Remember the Seinfeld line where Jerry says that "95% of the population are undatable!!!"
Well, that's pretty much true, in the middle age demographic that I am in. Face it, women don't age well. I would say that 5-10% of the women in their 40's are reasonably attractive enough that you would want to actually touch them. The rest.....it just ain't worth it. Take a look at the pictures on Match and see what i'm talking about. Better yet, count the "datable" vs. "undatable" (that translates into "bangable" and "unbangable") and tally the percentage.

2. Now, out of the 10% attractive women in that pool, they essentially have their pick of the litter with respect to guys. So naturally they can hold out for the rich studs. The average bloke really doesn't have a shot with the "datable" 40-ish woman. It was a 1 in 100 shot with me, and it lasted a year. Do I want to do it all over again?? Go thru 100 miserable dates with ugly women, paying for their fucking meal, who think they are something special?? Only to be blown off by the ones that are even the least bit cute?
I just dont' have the energy anymore. It's easier to watch TV. Fate has decided I will die alone. As Candlemass said, "..please let me die in solitude".

More COOL DVDs you MUST Own

2007-08-31T15:03:00.000-04:00

I recently found a site where they are selling bootleg DVD's of some shows i'm dying to get into my collection. Namely, the Green Hornet, Get a Life, and original Batman with Adam West. I almost went for it...Lucky for me that upon further research I found out it was, of course, a scam and run by some Asian con artists who only want your credit card number.

While I pine away for those shows, there's plenty of stuff coming out to keep me occupied in front of the LCD. Here's a few I just picked up and some that are coming out soon.

1. Outer Limits. This was a favorite of mine way back when. "do not adjust your TV. We control the horizontal. We control the vertical". Everyone remembers it.

2. Magic. This is a late 70's movie featuring then-unknown Anthony Hopkins who later went on to fame as Hannibal Lecter. He is a psychotic magician/ventriloquist who has a wooden dummy named Fats who takes over his personality and turns him into a murderous lunatic. Also has hottie Ann Margret who still looks pretty good and has quite a set of thingies. For some reason, I always find evil dummies a good watch.

3. Witchfinder General. This is coming out next month, but is a must buy simply because it has influenced countless doom metal bands, not the least of which is the band Witchfinder General. Hell, it has Vincent Price as Hopkins, the Witchfinder General, so you know it has to be good.

4. One Million Years BC. This is the one with Raquel Welch prancing around in a fur bikini outfit, dodging dinosaurs and getting hit on by the cavemen. Who cares that humans and dinosaurs really didn't exist at the same time in history......we have here Raquel Welch, with barely any clothes!! nuff said.

5. Frankenstein. This is the made for TV movie produced by Dan Curtis of Dark Shadows fame. I remember watching this on late night TV. Bo Svenson plays the monster and all I can remember was that it was cool.

6. Fantastic Voyage. Again, a Raquel Welch feature, but she's fully clothed this time and shrunken down to be injected into a human body. Everyone remembers this one....it's dated but still a classic.

7. Melrose Place, Season Three. Aaah, Melrose Place. Who can forget the anticipation of Monday nights at 8PM....it was the only thing worth looking forward to on a Monday. Jake, Allison, Amanda, Billy, Sydney, Mancini......things really started to get good (ie. over the top) this season.

Slutfest 2007

2007-08-14T08:32:00.000-04:00

It's hard to believe that a year has passed, but yes, it's time once again to review the highlight of the Summer of Lose 2007, the event of all events, and that would be Musikfest, or as we affectionately refer to it, Slutfest. Do we go for the music?? Do we go for the food? No. We go for the teenage hotties. Each year, Slutfest rolls around and kind of marks the beginning of the end of summer. We celebrate it by first stopping at Potts for a few doggies, then heading down to Slutfest to smoke a cool Ashton Aged Maduro whilst sitting on the bench and examining the parade of cooze endlessly preening past us. Just like a bunch of old sex-starved perverts would do.

Once again, it did not disappoint. Those dopey indians were there, of course, peddling their lame CD's. We scored our favorite bench right in the middle of Main St. where the sluts congregate. The scenery consisted of the same pre-pubescent hotties who all are endowed with at least a C cup. It's really quite amazing. And they love to show them off, too. "Oooh, look at me! Look at my tits!! I'm so horny!!" The outfit of choice this year seemed to be the mini denim skirt, paired with one of them cami tops where their thingies just hang right out. Of course they all have the required flip-flops for footwear. The constant preening and touching of themselves was ever present, flipping of the hair, pulling of the short denim skirt, fixing of the bra straps that constantly fall down.....they can't keep their hands off themselves. If only they would use their hands more appropriately, like on my dick.

Since the Ashtons take a good hour to smoke, we had plenty of time to make our observations. Straight hair still seems to be the trend, we were wondering when curls might make a comeback. I was also wondering if they all shave their snatches. Hell, a hairy snatch nowadays is about as rare as A cups. We definitely noticed that those capri pants, which seemed to be the rage a few years ago, are now out of favor. Good. I prefer the mini denim skirts anyway. Who is setting the fashion trend this year anyway...."i'm a good girl" Linday Lohan??

So there you have it, Slutfest 2007 has come and gone. Another Summer of Lose bites the dust. Last year I lamented that it would be 365 days until the next Slutfest. It came around pretty fast. Let the countdown to Slutfest 2008 begin!! What will it bring??? Bigger thingies?? Skimpier outfits?? New hairstyles?? Hurry hurry I can hardly wait!!!

The Grand Funk Jap Reissues

2007-07-10T10:13:00.000-04:00

MORE THAN ANY OTHER BAND, it was Grand Funk Railroad that shaped my musical destiny. You remember it like the first time you had sex (not that I can even remember the LAST time I had sex..). There I was, 11 years old and my musical collection included stuff like Beatles (there's a surprise), Three Dog Night, Chicago, Steppenwolf. I had the first Santana record and thought that was the heaviest album ever. I think it was the album cover that prompted me to pick up Grand Funk's Live Album. "This looks like it rocks". When I played that baby, whoa, my life changed forever. I had never heard anything so heavy, so intense, so kick ass. It's still my favorite live record. It made that Santana record sound lame!! I had found my musical calling. From there it went to Deep Purple's In Rock, Zeppelin II, and so on.

So with that in mind, I still wonder why I just blew $150 on purchasing these Toshiba Jap reissues of the first 5 Grand Funk records.......packaged in the real cool "mini album" format....when I already have the vinyl and the CD reissues from a few years ago. Basically these mini-LP's are cool, and the packaging is top notch. Hell, the Live Album even has a mini-replica of the original poster!! Survival has mini-replica's of the 3 "caveman" pics!! I think even Phoenix, and the later albums, are reissued also, but why would you want those?!!

Mark says Allright!!!

Classic albums revisited: Led Zeppelin-Houses of the Holy

2007-06-26T13:03:00.000-04:00

I remember the spring of 1973 like it was yesterday. There I was, 12 years old and full of hope (what happened???). It was a great spring for rock and roll. Alice Cooper's Billion Dollar Babies was high on the charts, and Pink Floyd had just released Dark Side of the Moon. The biggest release, though, was gonna be Zep's new one. The album to be called "Zoso" was released in 1971 and had become one of the greatest rock records ever. How could they top it?? What could Page pull out of his magic hat??
I remember picking up the album not long after it was released, a quick bike ride up to the local Nichols (sadly long out of business....what a great hangout that store was, especially the lobby with the pinball machines). So with baited breath I plopped the Panasonic needle in the groove, to the first tune "Song Remains the Same". Whoa...this is good. Real good! They did it!! After that, though, the euphoria sorta wore off. The Rain Song sucked, as did The Crunge. Turn it over to side 2. Dancing Days...not bad, not great. Dyer Maker..sucks. Over the Hills and Far Away...not bad. The Ocean...good. Overall, a not bad album, but a bit of a disappointment. Zep had really lost it. Page was doing too much heroin. But it didn't matter. I had discovered Uriah Heep that spring, too, and was wearing out the grooves on Uriah Heep Live sometime around then.

Aaaah...the spring of 1973. A mere 34 years ago, but seems like just yesterday. I think i'll get out Billion Dollar Babies and give it another listen.

Kardashian Kink

2007-04-20T14:41:00.001-04:00

It’s not a secret that I have a fascination with celebrity porn. Well, let’s re-phrase that, and say that I have a fascination with ALL porn, celebrity porn being an interesting subset of that. I guess the one that started it all was the Pam and Tommy one, destined to go down in history as a classic. See Tommy steer his yacht with his 10 inch schlong!! See Pam’s cleanly shaven cooch!! Listen to Tommy say cool phrases like “insane” and “it’s all good”!! Watch Pam give him head on the side of the road in their SUV!! Hot on the heels of that one, I think the Bret Michaels one came out, but that was with a porn star chick so it really didn’t count. Then the big daddy of all celebrity porn was released…starring Paris Hilton. Now, we all know that Paris is a slut anyway, so why was anybody “shocked” when the dirty tape surfaced?? All I know is that, from my perspective, I never really thought Paris was that hot until I saw that film, then I changed my mind. She looked damn good. Her thingies look bigger in the buff than when clothed, and she’s of course completely shaven, the way I like it.

Which brings me to the topic at hand, the latest, dare I say, “celebrity” porn film, featuring Kim Kardashian, who’s only claim to fame is her OJ Simpson lawer daddy, and the fact that she hangs out with superslut Paris and the bimbo brigade that now includes Britney and Lohan. It’s not surprising that she wants to out-do Paris, so here she is, getting boinked by some rapper with a 10 inch monster. She obviously loves it, squealing “I’m cumming!” a lot. Now, I happen to think that Kimmy is the best looking of all of them, with a body that is right up my alley….giant DD cups and a nice plump rear. Not too tall and brunette. I prefer this to the tall, leggy Paris type of body. The footage itself is about 10 minutes total, but in the film they re-use the same scenes like 5 times to stretch the whole thing out to 40 minutes. There was rumor of a golden shower scene, which would have made it an instant classic, however unfortunately it was edited out as Kimmy wants you to believe she’s a “good girl” and was “forced” to do this tape. Uh, yeah, sure. The film ends with Kimmy taking the load in her mouth, of course you can’t really see it all too well, and she doesn’t show you her choad-filled mouth before swallowing like the real porn stars do. I’m also a bit disappointed in the fact that she didn’t scream out “I want it in my ass!!!” ….. surely Ray J would have happily obliged her request. She has a nice ass, I might mention. Real nice.
So all in all, another poor performance by an attention seeking slut who will do anything to get her name back on Entertainment Tonight. Now the question is….who’s next?? Equal odds are on Britney and Lohan. Christina Aguilera is almost a sure bet. Jessica Simpson would be a surprise entry, as would Hillary Duff. Which one will be first? Which one will go the next step, and do anal?? Whoever it is, and however bad it is, I’ll be sure to watch it. I just can’t help it.

Some Rare Good Stuff

2007-03-07T10:27:00.000-05:00

I found a few rare CD's recently that turned out to be pretty good. Since there is a lull of stuff coming out anyway, it fills the void. Here's the list.

1. Lee Harvey Oswald Band- A Taste of Prison/Blastronaut. These two albums are like nothing you've ever heard. Imagine Ziggy Stardust-era Bowie combined with straight up rock and roll ala the Didjits. Well, it's not surprising, since this seems to be a side project of ex-Didjits axeman Rick Sims. Now, the Didjits made some real ass kicking records in the late 80's timeframe. I saw them live once and they just killed, even did a smoking cover of AC/DC's "Whole Lotta Rosie". Song titles like "You Talk Sunshine, I Breathe Fire" and "Madeline Loves the Leeches" only confirm the chaos. This is great stuff, find it and buy it!!!

2. Gaza Strippers-1000 Watt Confessions. Discovered this one as well since this seems to be the band that Sims formed AFTER the Lee Harvey thing. Once again, just great rock and roll. It's a shame this stuff sorta got lost in the cracks cause Sims is a monster and it out-rocks 99% of the crap out there.

3. 69 Eyes-Motor City Resurrection. Now, i've heard of these guys and always thought they were sort of a Misfits clone. I bought the CD cause it had some interesting covers, like Alice Cooper's "Is it My Body", MC5's "Call Me Animal", and Dictators "Science Gone too Far". Good choices, so I took a shot. As it turns out, their dress code reveals more of a GunsN Roses/Hanoi Rocks/early Crue clone band and I really don't hear too much Misfits influence. Musically, yeah, sounds like "Shout at the Devil' era Crue. Nothing spectacular, but not bad.

4. Teengenerate-Smash Hits. Now, here's the best punk band to come out of Japan. With riffs stolen right from the Angry Samoans' "Back from Samoa", how can you go wrong??

5. The Stooges-Weirdness. OK, so here's the long awaited Stooges reunion album. Can a bunch of guys pushing 60 still deliver the goods? Do we have another Funhouse here? Stay tuned...sorry, I haven't played it yet.

6. Fu Manchu-We Must Obey. So here's one of the few new releases so far for 2007. Now Fu have been around a while, and I kinda lost interest over the last few years, as I didn't think the stuff was as good as "In Search of" which is a super slab of prime riffola. This one doesn't quite match that classic, but it's good. I'll be seeing them live in a couple weeks and will see how they muster up.

Lose Again!!

2007-02-15T12:37:00.000-05:00

I'm quite certain that the thousands of readers of this blog (well, maybe two actually) don't yet understand what Lose really is. It's like you cannot understand the quantum world if you're not an electron (yeah, what a geeky analogy). But the recent series of events will amply demonstrate just what Lose is, and what it's like living the Life of Lose.

Now, I may have described how in this vast cesspool of life, there are certain oasis that you long for. Short, little events that briefly take away from the misery of it all. There were two such events scheduled this week, and I was looking forward to them like a fly waiting for poochie's daily dump. Of course, being Dips, the events were gigs, and the two gigs were to be two of the best out there right now, Mastodon and Slayer.

Mastodon were scheduled for Tuesday, and we already had tickets, since we figured it'd sell out. Now, lo and behold, we get this fucking snow and ice storm, and it just so happens to hit right on Tuesday night! We haven't had any fucking storms all year yet, and the one we get, it's on the night of the gig.
Yeah, that's LOSE. If you figure winter is 3 months or 90 days that was a 1/90 shot that the storm would be on the same day as the gig. So there you go, we didn't get our fix of the silverbursts and are out 20 bucks to boot.

Well, all is not lost, you say, as next in line was the mighty Slayer, scheduled for Saturday at the Atlantic City House of Blues. But you don't understand the power of Lose. Lo and behold, I get an email saying that the gig is cancelled.
The only one in the tour schedule to be cancelled as well. And there's no other gigs in the area. So the Slayer fix is out, too. Luckily the tickets refunded (minus the "service fee" of course).

I needed those gigs, too. There nothing as cathartic as the high volume din of cranked Marshalls. It's very cleansing. Makes you more able to face the rest of the shitty week (well, it wears off after a day).

Now that is what I'm talking about when I talk about Lose. Typically Lose happens in three's. What will complete the Trifecta?? Hey, I just had an X-ray of my bad kidney. My guess is the "spot" they found last time will have grown. Time for an operation!!

Valentine Bullshit

2007-02-09T14:05:00.000-05:00

And now, fellow losers, we approach the most dreaded and ridiculous holiday of them all....valentines day. Yeah, we all know that it's a Hallmark holiday, simply made up to allow retailers to cash in during the post-Xmas winter lull. Hell, Easter is too far away, gotta fill it up with some ridiculous holiday!! The way I look at it, if I don't get a day off from work, it's not a holiday.

Now, for most losers, the point is moot because you don't have a chick to worry about anyway. You can simply go home and watch TV like any other night of lose.
If you do have some slut, then you need to buy her stuff. That's the only way you'll get laid later on. It's basically prostitution, only "cloaked" to be somehow acceptable. You will have to tell her how much you "love" her. Yeah, I love you baby. Now give me head. It cracks me up how ridiculous the whole thing is. Whatever the case, either flowers, dinner, jewelry, dong...you will need to shell out cash, and a lot of it.

The real dreaded part is having to deal with the inevitable "where are we going from here?" discussion. They will always pull that one out on such occasions. "I can't wait forever" and "we need to take our relationship to the next level" are lines they will use on you. You know having the bitch move in with you will ruin everything. The key trick is to stall but be very vague about it. "Soon", "I'll not quite ready yet", and "Just a little more time" are typical responses but they will not work in the long run. It's a fine art and i'll admit i'm not very skilled at it. The best response would be "honey, before we move in together, I think we should introduce anal". If she won't let you in her poop hole, then bye-bye!!

Lights Out

2007-01-18T15:49:00.000-05:00

Usually at this time of year, depression sets in. I don't mean the usual depression. I mean the suicidal depression. Must be the weather. In any event, I typically start to think of good ways to commit suicide. My choices are the following:

1. Gun to the head. Of course this is the easiest and quickest. But it makes a mess, and whoever finds your rotting corpse has to see your brain matter splattered all over the furniture and wall.

2. Jump off a bridge. This one scares me too much, and i'm too much of a chicken. Plus, i'm scared of heights anyway. Jumping into Niagra Falls would be a trip, though.....but i'd probably somehow survive.

3. OD on Pills/poison/drugs. I can get some sodium azide or potassium cyanide from the lab at work. It would be a cinch to mix up a cocktail and drink it down. Too bad I can't find those cyanide capsules that everyone uses in wars. Goering was smuggled one and off'd himself a few hours before he was scheduled to be hanged. All you do is bite down and a few seconds later.. it's over, Johnny.

4. Car Exhaust. This one seems to be the best. Just rig up a hose from the exhaust to the cabin. Then, put on a CD of your favorite tunes (Slayer comes to mind...but Cheap Trick's "Auf Weidershen" would fit the bill better) and breathe until you pass out. Simple, and not messy.

5. Attend a Justin Timberlake Concert. In addition to the music, just seeing all those 15 year old hotties, and knowing that you don't have a chance with any of them, is enough to kill you.

There...now fellow Losers, take my advice!! I'm right behind you!!

2007: The Year of Lose

2007-01-02T15:27:00.000-05:00

Here we are, fellow losers, faced with another year of lose. How can we possibly lose more than in the previous year?? Oh, that will be easy. It comes naturally to a loser. Rest assured, you will lose in 2007 like you've never lost before.

Now, here are a few ways i'm anticipating losing in 2007.

1. Deteriorating health. Of course as I approach the big half century mark, my health continues to plummet. And of course, I do nothing to prevent it. I could eat better, get some exercise. But to hell with it. If I croak, that could only make things better!!

2. Deteriorating health for my daughter. Being the pessimist that I am, it's only a matter of time before my daughter's CF starts to wreak havoc. It's been in control up till now, but let's face facts, inevitably it will happen. Won't it be fun to see her lung function deteriorate to nothing!! Won't it be fun to have to hang with the stinking ex-wife and her sugar daddy stud at the hospital while my daughter's there for a month-long stay!!

3. Getting laid off. Yeah, that's a distinct possiblity that this job could get axed. The few projects i'm working on will most likely not get approved, and then what?? Bye-bye!!

4. Death of immediate family. It won't be long before everyone i've grown up around, like parents and favorite aunts/uncles, start croaking. They're all in their 80's already. How much longer do you got at that age??

I could go on......but I think the pervasive pessimism gets thru.

On a positive note, hey, at least there's a Slayer gig coming up in February.

Let's all raise a glass to 2007......the YEAR OF LOSE!!!

A Festivus Miracle!!

2006-12-14T12:09:00.000-05:00

As the year draws to a close, yes, it's time to reflect on all the misery and failures that have occurred over the past year. Let the airing of grievances begin!! The best thing is, you know it will only get worse in the coming year. Let's take a look at the highlights of the Year of Lose, 2006.

The biggest happening was the fact that after 4 years of dating and getting rejected by practically every single girl over 35 in the metro area (including a few 50 year olds), I found one that was actually willing to date me more than once. This is indeed a Festivus Miracle in itself. And she ain't bad looking, either. Of course, the mere fact that she would date me again insinuates that she is mentally unstable, and in fact, that is indeed the case! And she's got those damn dogs that i'd like to shoot. But hey, beggars can't be choosy, and i'm still on the ride. Hopefully when we break up, i'll have had my fill for a while, and will be able to sustain another 5 year hiatus with hundreds of rejections. At least I can catch up on my DVD viewing.

The middle aged (40's) dating scene is a real trip. These women need a reality check. I don't know what kind of guy they eventually wind up fucking, but they are maybe a 5 or 6 looks-wise and they want George Clooney. Or a real rich guy. WTF is a rich dude gonna date a middle aged chick for, when he can get some 20-something model.

There were a few good gigs, best of which were Slayer and Mastodon. Luckily in Feb. I will get to see both of them again. The absence of a King Diamond gig was upsetting. Where's the King??!! The Iron Maiden show was a bit disappointing in that they only played the new album, which is really just OK but the old stuff still smokes it. The Sword/Early Man gig at the Kyber started the year off in Jan. with a great show.

As for buying some happiness, it was also a banner year. The biggest acquisitions were two LCD TV's , a Sharp and a Samsung. The Samsung, a 32 incher, is a bit small for the room, and as soon as I pay it off, i'll give it to pops and pop for the 40 inch 1080p. Something to look forward to in 2007. That should keep me happy for a few weeks next year. I almost forgot that I bought that cheep Hyundai Accent, too, as my second "beater" car. I'm the laughing stock of the parking lot with that.

Of course this crappy job just gets worse. I have the honor of working on a whole floor of A-Typers. Re-read my "Corporate Games" blog to see how I feel about that. You think i'm fucked up in the head?? These guys need professional help more than me. Why don't they just sleep at work. One of those inflatable beds would work. Then you don't have to waste valuable work time going home!! I guarantee that these A-typers who stay at work till 10pm every night have some fat cow of a wife at home.

So 2006 bites the dust. What will 2007 bring? More bitter, loveless, pathetic existence? A nasty break up? Hundreds of more rejections? Another kidney stone? A King Diamond gig? A new axe? A bigger TV? A gun to my head?? Oh the anticipation!! Hurry Hurry I can hardly wait!!

Oh, also, only 7 more months till MUSIKFEST!

Bah Humbug

2006-11-27T13:18:00.000-05:00

Well the holiday season is here once again, let's all jump for joy!! Let's face it folks, Christmas and all this other holiday shit just sucks big time. It's all a big moneymaking scam. Now, i'm one of the best proponents of the "buy stuff to make you happy" lifestyle. Now for the holidays you're supposed to "buy stuff to make everyone else happy". But in the meantime, everyone is just miserable...everyone except the kids, who don't understand yet anyway.

First off, people who have unhappy, pathetic lives (like me) don't need people who have great happy lives shoving it in our faces. Yeah, we know, you're on top of the world now. Just wait, your time will come. The classic example is the guy who has a great job, tons of cash, and a hot little wife/girlfriend who just worships the toilets he shits in.
People like that LOVE the holidays so they can parade that hot little ass around at parties, get togethers, etc. Hey, look at the new BMW I got my horny little wife!! Hey, look at this gun barrel going down your throat!!

Second, if your'e just an average guy struggling in some sort of relationship, the holiday bullshit of who/where to visit just complicates things, and someone is bound to get offended. I told this girl i've been dating that I was spending Thanksgiving with my parents, and she went ballistic.
No, what I should have done was invite all of them over to my house for a big, loving get-together. Yeah, what a great idea!! Then everyone can be miserable!!

I think last Xmas eve, I spent it alone watching porn. It's the safest bet. Looks like it's another repeat this year.

DVD's to Keep You Happy

2006-11-03T10:03:00.000-05:00

There's a slew of DVD coming out this holiday season which are cause for celebration. I've been waiting for these for a long time. Oh, think of the happiness i'll get by sitting in front of the AQUOS watching these gems!!

The first MUST HAVE is the BEVERLY HILLS 90210 Season One. You get to see young Jennie Garth as the slut Kelly, and Shannon Dougherty when she was hot, not beat like today. This show basically started the hot teeen drama genre. Of course, the best seasons are the ones when super-hottie TIFFANY AMBER THIESSEN came onboard. Man, those thingies!! They are the 8th and 9th wonders of the world. I'd rather see them than the pyramids anyday. But it will probably take a while to get to those, as the show was on like 10 seasons. Something to look forward to.

The second MUST HAVE is MELROSE PLACE, Season ONe. Melrose was a spin-off of 90210 where Jake was banging resident whore Kelly. Now, Melrose has it's own bevy of hot chicks, but my favorite character was always Michael Mancini, a real womanizing louse. Everyone knows that Heather Locklear joined the show later on, as well as Alyssa Milano, and there is so much over the top storylines that is was even satirized on Seinfeld. Let's just say that everyone was banging everyone.

Which brings me to SEINFELD, Season 7. I actually think the last few seasons of Seinfeld were the best. Just about every episode in this period is a killer.
And especially any episode with Frank Costanza, like FESTIVUS, is a bona fide classic.

Then there's SATURDAY NIGHT LIVE, the complete First Season. This is the good stuff, with Belushi, Chase, and Ackroyd. Any skit with Ackroyd playing Nixon is a killer, as well as Chase doing his Gerald Ford bits. There's the "Samurai Delicatessen" skits, and the "cheeburgie, cheeburgie" skits, too. Although some of them might also be in the second season. Both are must have's.

Last on the list is GOMER PYLE, USMC, Season One. I loved this show as a kid. Sort of like Gilligans Island, in the respect that when it was on TV as reruns, i'd always watch it. Now, like Gilligan, it's nowhere to be found on TV. I think with Gomer the later seasons (the color ones) are better. The best episode is when Sgt. Carter takes a vacation to get away from Gomer. A series of circumstances puts Gomer in the same place as Carter, and Carter sees Gomer's face everywhere and he thinks he's gone insane. The movie "What About Bob?" with Bill Murray stole this story line.

And I still want to get the color seasons of VOYAGE TO THE BOTTOM OF THE SEA. Especially the episode with the giant squid.

The Four Greatest Albums EVER!!!

2006-10-25T08:59:00.000-04:00

OK, I know i've been compiling these meaningless lists. But I thought, can these lists be condensed to maybe 3 or 4 of the greatest albums of ALL TIME?? Can it be done??
It's not an easy task. But I think I have a way to do it. The way to do it is to reduce ENTIRE GENRE'S of music to one album. And when you think about it, and see my choices, it will make sense. Let's have a look then at my choices.

1. Slayer: Reign in Blood.

OK, again, it should be no surprise. But if you condense the entire speed/death/thrash metal world into one album, that is it!! Not to mention that it probably is the heaviest album of all time.

2. Black Sabbath: Master of Reality

This album is where ALL doom/sludge/stoner rock begins. Again, it captures an entire genre. The riffs on this album are timeless.

3. Sex Pistols: Never Mind the Bollocks

The entire punk ethos is distilled into this album. Rotten's lyrics and vocal delivery just spew hostility and rage. I mean, geez, listen to "Bodies"..an abortion song....Rotten sneers "mommy.....i'm not an animal!!!"

I might have to cheat, though, and make a tie for #3....or an honorable mention at least, and include the Ramones "It's Alive". Rock and roll distilled to it's essence.

4. Led Zeppelin: II

ALL other metal/rock/hard rock that is blues based can be traced to this one.
Again, an album that defines an entire genre.

There, that's it. There are so many others....UFO's "Strangers in the Night"....AC/DC's Powerage.....Grand Funk Live.....

Blatant Materialism....or How to Be Happy Going Broke

2006-10-24T22:48:00.000-04:00

I will freely admit that I have a problem with materialism. That is, the endless quest to buy more stuff to keep you happy for the next few days. It definitely is a disorder, i'm not arguing there. But a lot of people seem to have it, and I wonder what the root cause is. It's not like I was deprived as a child. Is it just trying to compensate for a hopelessly bitter, depressing and loveless existence?? Probably. The acquisition of the item, which runs the gamut from guitars, amps, TV's, audio equipment, etc, etc., is really the climax of the whole thing. The planning, researching, gloating, and all the preliminary steps are actually what gets you going. As soon as you have the item, it's time to start on the NEXT thing, and so the vicious cycle perpetuates.
Now, having said that, it accounts for the 25 guitars, 20 tube amp heads, 2000 CD's, 1000 DVD's, 2 LCD tv's, 100 books, 100 shirts, 50 pairs of shoes, 20 effect pedals, and other assorted crap that litters my house. A side effect of this disorder is of course you are constantly operating at your financial limit.....and the stuff clutters up your house. Walk into my house right now and it looks like a blend of Sam Ash and Best Buy. Fortunately for me the disease hasn't yet progressed to where i'm OVER my financial limit....and you start running up the credit cards. That's where it gets scary and you'd better get professional help. Or just shoot yourself and end it all.

Just this month, for example, I had to get a pair of JBL car speakers ($170), a THD Hotplate amp attenuator ($300.. yeah I really needed that I dont' even play out anymore), a few shirts, another pair of shoes, and about 20 CD's and 10 DVD's. The month isn't even over. Am I any happier?? Not really. I think a hot car would make me happy, though. Maybe a Corvette.
Or a BMW. Hell even the Pontiac Solstice looks nice. Yeah, yeah, that's the ticket!!! If I can get 15 grand for the Jeep, and the Bimmer is 35 grand, I'll only owe 20 grand!! THEN i'll be happy, I just know it!!

Top 5 Albums of 2006

2006-09-28T10:53:00.000-04:00

I know there's still a few months left here, and I don't know what's coming out, but we can always add some honorable mentions at the end of the year. But without further adieu, the Top 5 Albums of 2006 are as follows.

1. Slayer: Christ Illusion

No surprise here. As long as Slayer is around, the world is good.

2. Sword: Age of Winters

Almost forgot about this one, because it came out in January. Killer, bludgeoning riffing right out of Master of Reality-era Sabbath.

3. Wolfmother: Wolfmother.

I know a lot of my friends won't agree with me here. But damn it, I like this album. Probably cause it's the closest thing to vintage Zep you'll find lately. A dud song or two but I still play the hell out of it.

4. Pat Travers: Power Trio 2

See previous blog.

5. Celtic Frost: Monotheist

This wasn't gonna be on here, in fact maybe it should be tied with the new Mastodon. But I played it the other night at full volume, and man, it just pulverizes you. Pure doom...one of the best doom records since early Cathedral. All the songs are about death and decay, too. What more do you want to cheer up??

Greatest Scientist of All Time

2006-09-28T09:56:00.000-04:00

While we're on the "greatest" kick, I thought i'd post on the greatest scientist who ever lived.

Of course just about everybody will say it is Einstein. But I disagree. Yeah, he was a monster, no doubt about it. Space is curved!! Gravity is the warping of spacetime!! Time slows down as you approach the speed of light!! Mass and energy are interconvertible!! Heavy, heavy stuff. But I maintain that the physicists always get more recognition just because the stuff is math heavy, and the common person goes, "oooh, look at all the math!!" Einstein is definitely up there, but he's not the greatest.

Possibly greater than Einstein was Newton. I mean, the dude invented calculus just to be able to figure out some of his equations. And I hear he was a real bastard, too. But if Newton was around today he'd probably make Einstein look like a 3rd grader.

How about Aristotle?? Nah, he spent too much time hanging out with boys. Those wacky Greeks.

How about Shrodinger? The dude was instrumental in devising quantum mechanics, the currently accepted model of particle physics.

I'm sick of the physicists, though. No, the greatest scientist of all time is not a physicist. In fact, there's probably not a single equation in all his work. I dont' think he even did an experiment in a laboratory, ever. All he did was look around and observe.

I'm talking about Charles Darwin. The greatest.

Darwin figured out the most important question of all time....who is man. He figured out why we are here and how we got here.

And people STILL can't accept it. It can't be true!! There has to be a meaning, a purpose!! We were put here for a reason!! It's still on trial. It's still being refuted. Even DNA sequence homology isn't enough for some people.

I've got news for you, Darwin is right.

Greatest Albums of All Time, Part 2

2006-09-13T15:53:00.000-04:00

51. Status Quo-Live
52. Foghat-Live
53. Mastodon-Leviathan
54. King Diamond-Abigail
55. Witchfinder General-Death Penalty
56. Pentagram-Day of Reckoning
57. Riot-Fire Down Under
58. Damned-Damned Damned Damned
59. Black Flag-Damaged
60. Ted Nugent-Double Live Gonzo
61. Savatage-Sirens
62. Exciter-Heavy Metal Maniac
63. Black Oak Arkansas-Raunch and Roll Live
64. Sir Lord Baltimore-Kingdom Come
65. Godz-Godz
66. Mahogany Rush-Live
67. Pat Travers-Power Trio 2
68. Manowar-Battle Hymns
69. Angel Witch-Angel Witch
70. ZZ Top-Tres Hombres
71. Witchery-Symphony for the Devil
72. Action Swingers-Decimation Blvd.
73. New Bomb Turks-Destroy Oh Boy
74. Moving Targets-Burning in Water
75. Ten Years After-Recorded Live
76. Johnny Winter-Captured Live
77. Rory Gallagher-Stage Struck
78. Starz-Starz
79. Blue Cheer-Outside Inside
80. Blue Oyster Cult-Tyranny and Mutation
81. Outlaws-Bring it Back Alive
82. Blackfoot-Highway Song Live
83. Cactus-Anthology
84. Bloodrock-Live
85. Aerosmith-Rocks
86. Stone Temple Pilots-Core
87. Scorpions-Tokyo Tapes
88. Savage-Loose and Lethal
89. SOD-Speak English or Die
90. Robin Trower-Bridge of Sighs
91. Kyuss-Welcome to Sky Valley
92. Pearl Jam-Vs.
93. Cathedral-Ethereal Mirror
94. Slade-Alive
95. Hawkwind-Space Ritual
96. Electric Wizard-Dopethrone
97. Axis-Its a Circus World
98. Beck Bogart and Appice-Live in Japan
99. Annihilator-Alice in Hell
100. Non Fiction-In The Know

Notice how i've hardly repeated any groups. I mean, I didn't even put in Sabbath Vol. 4, Led Zep IV, or Slayer's South of Heaven!! And I didn't even put in Slayer's Christ Illusion!!

Greatest Albums of All Time, Part 1

2006-09-13T13:09:00.000-04:00

I've always wanted to compile a list of the greatest albums ever. However, I quickly realized just how many great ones there are. There must be hundreds. So I will attempt to, right off the top of my head, list 50 of my favorites. In no particular order except for maybe Slayer. I'll try to mix it up, too, and not just list every Slayer or Black Sabbath record right in a row. You get the idea.

1. Slayer-Reign in Blood
2. Who-Tommy
3. Who-Quadrophenia
4. Grand Funk-Live Album
5. Who-Live at Leeds
6. UFO-Strangers in the Night
7. Exodus-Bonded by Blood
8. Sex Pistols-Never Mind the Bollocks
9. Nirvana-Nevermind
10. Rolling Stones-Get Yer Ya Ya's Out
11. Black Sabbath-Master of Reality
12. Thin Lizzy-Live and Dangerous
13. AC/DC-Powerage
14. Led Zeppelin-II
15. Deep Purple-In Rock
16. Metallica-Ride the Lightning
17. Judas Priest-Unleashed in the East
18. Ramones-It's Alive
19. Mercyful Fate-Melissa
20. Iron Maiden-Number of the Beast
21. Overkill-Years of Decay
22. Stooges-Stooges
23. Dictators-Live NYC
24. Mott the Hoople-Live
25. Allman Brothers-Live at Fillmore
26. Turbonegro-Apocalypse Dudes
27. Alice Cooper-Killer
28. Emerson Lake and Palmer-Trilogy
29. Misfits-Walk Among Us
30. Husker Du-New Day Rising
31. Accept-Restless and Wild
32. Raven-Rock Until U Drop
33. Who-Who's Next
34. Uriah Heep-Live 1973
35. Rolling Stones-Sticky Fingers
36. Cheap Trick-Cheap Trick (1st album)
37. Jethro Tull-Aqualung
38. Van Halen- 1st Album
39. Megadeth-Rust in Peace
40. Anthrax-Among the Living
41. Motorhead-Overkill
42. Saxon-Wheels of Steel
43. Queen-1st Album
44. Montrose-Montrose
45. Rainbow-Rising
46. Rush-2112
47. Sleep-Sleep's Holy Mountain
48. Ozzy-Blizzard of Oz
49. Trouble-Manic Frustration
50. Grand Funk-Red Album

OK that's the first 50. And that list took 5 minutes. At least another couple of 50-lists to go.
If you don't own all of these albums, you suck!!

Dog Rant

2006-09-12T13:46:00.000-04:00

I know i'm gonna get in a lot of trouble with this one, but here it goes.
I can't for the life of me figure out just what the hell people see in dogs. And I don't mean hot dogs. I mean the animal kind. Sorry, but I just don't get it. That will be the day I want some stinky animal smelling up my house, cleaning up their shit, and having them constantly annoy you "oh pet me, pet me". I do not need to be loved by a dog. I do not need a dog as a friend, I have plenty of human friends.
I've been seeing this chick who has two dogs. They are the most annoying things i've ever encountered. After like 5 minutes i'm ready to shoot the damn mutts. As soon as you walk up to the door, the barking starts. I've been there like 100 times, and still when I show up, they bark like they've never seen me before. Shut the fuck up!! They're constantly running around the house and begging for attention. If someone walks by outside, they start running toward the door, and the barking starts again. This goes on all night. And you can't tell me they don't stink, either. I can smell them as soon as I walk in. The freakin dog hair is everywhere, too.
It gets all over your clothes. I'm sure some of that dog hair came from their anal region, right after they just took a steamy dump, too. This chick says they are "so cute", but then all she does is shush them away and complains about them, too. Why do you have them, then??
You can't even sit down and watch TV without the stupid dogs trying to climb on you, climb on the couch, or bark at someone outside. It's a constant, never ending nuisance. If I lived there i'd shoot the damn things after about 10 minutes or go insane. But I don't live there, and don't plan to, either. It's not a trivial issue, either. She wants to live together?? Either the dogs go, or I go.

So there, dog lovers. Dogs suck. It definitely limits your luck with chicks, since most of them love the things. They're like children substitutes. "Oh, I need something to pet". Pet my dick. If you need to be loved by a dog, you need professional help, or you'd better work on your human relationships. If you like them as pets, then train the damn things to not be so annoying. Yeah, you have a right to own a dog. Just keep them outta my face and off my lawn, or they're fair game for target practice. And for godsakes, shut them up. It's amazing to me that people will clean up another animals shit. People are stupid.

Slayer, Grand Funk, and Haircuts

2006-08-17T08:40:00.000-04:00

When I was 12 years old and in 6th grade, my favorite record was Grand Funk's Live Album. After all these years, it's still up there probably in my top 10. I had never heard anything that heavy before. My path to metal was pretty simple....Archies (Bang Shang a Lang) to Beatles to Three Dog Night to Steppenwolf to Santana (first album) to Grand Funk. Around the same time it was then Deep Purples' In Rock album. But that Live Album, man...... I waited with anticipation for the next Grand Funk record. I had already gone out and snapped up Survival and E Pluribus Funk. Finally the day arrived.....there was a new album!! It was called Phoenix. I slapped that vinyl on, and you should have seen the expression on my face when I heard it. This sucks!! One giant piece of doggy doo. I don't think there was one heavy song on it. My gods had fallen. Do these guys actually LIKE this stuff?? After that, Farner cut his hair, and it was never the same. Shinin On? All the Girls of the World Beware? Gimme a break.

From that point on, i've had a real problem with bands that start out heavy and wuss out by the second or third record. The list is a mile long. Remember the first Montrose record?? It was all downhill from there. Van Halen....Scorpions....Priest......Zeppelin....Metallica.....Megadeth.....Anthrax....they're all guilty of starting out heavy and sounding like Journey by their later albums. Rock magazines love that shit, and say that the artist is "growing" or "maturing". Bullshit I say. I mean even Ted Nugent, who on Double Live Gonzo said "anyone who wants to get mellow can turn around and get the fuck out of here", went against his own words and put out album after album of crapola.

Which brings me, 33 years later, to the new Slayer record, Christ Illusion. I maintain that Slayer are probably the greatest heavy band to ever live, and here's why. You slap that Slayer record on, and it smokes. You know it will smoke. There's no doubt. There's no "Phoenix" in the Slayer catalog. There's no "bic lighter power ballad". Slayer have become rich men, and they haven't compromised one iota. Name one other band this consistently heavy....Motorhead?? Not quite. AC/DC? Again, close, but no cigar. Metallica? Just joking there. Pantera?? They're history.

Christ Illusion is actually better than the last two, Diabolus and God Hates Us All. Maybe it's Lombardo back at the helm that did it.

Just go buy the damn thing. You can't go wrong. Now, if Araya cuts his hair....look out.

Blood and Thunder

2006-08-04T08:12:00.000-04:00

Lately to kill some time i've been going thru my CD/record collection and picking out some stuff I haven't heard in eons. What's fun is when you come across some stuff that is just killer, and you wonder why they have been neglected for so long. There's just so much to choose from, and so little time....

Take for example, "Blood and Thunder", by More. More put out two albums in the early 80's and kind of got lost in the NWOBHM/thrash influx.......Maiden, Metallica, et al. But these two More albums kick major ass. I played Blood and Thunder (the second record) the other night at maximum volume and was blown away by the riffage. A long lost gem to be sure. Both of them are available on CD, and I suggest you get them NOW!!

Another example is Spooky Tooth's "Two". Again, with the stuff on this record, it should be considered a classic, but it gets sorely overlooked. You've got the sinister riffage of "Evil Woman", "Waitin for the Wind" and the Judas Priest-covered "Better By You, Better Than Me". Plus you get Luther Grosvenor, aka Ariel Bender from Mott the Hoople fame, on axe work. If you wanna really hear the best of Bender, though, you gotta listen to Mott's "Live" CD,which I guess I can categorize as another forgotten classic. Bender's Les Paul Junior guitar tone is just monstrous.

Then there's Ten Years After's "Alvin Lee and Company"......and also "Sssssh". Now, usually when I listen to TYA i'll put on the live album. Alvin Lee and Co. is best known for it's side-long jam "Boogie On"....and Boogie they do. There are sections devoted to drum, organ, bass, and guitar solo's.......of course when it's Alvin's turn it kicks into high gear. Sssssh has some good stuff on it too......especially "I Woke Up this Morning". Makes me wanna run out and purchase a Gibson ES 335....then I could play like Alvin, too!!

The last one that comes to mind is Saxon's "Wheels of Steel". Now Saxon was kind of a second-tier NWOBHM band......always in the shadows of Iron Maiden. But this album....sheesh....rocks hard and fast. "I can beat your street machine!!" Biff screams out on "Motorcycle Man" while the guitars just pummel you into submission. Alas, Saxon would never be this great again. Biff and Co. were supposed to play last year at this dive in Allentown, we showed up....but Saxon didn't! So our chance to see the Biffster in action was foiled.

I can add one more to the list for this rant.....and that's the Action Swingers "Decimation Boulevard". The Swingers just pummel you one song after another....much like a Ramones gig used to do. The pace and fury are relentless. It's like Black Flag on steroids. Buy it if you can find it, and I think you still can.

Next Blog.....a review of the new Slayer CD. We've been waiting for this one a long time.

The Golden Man

2006-07-28T15:37:00.000-04:00

Yet another classic episode of Lost in Space is The Golden Man. There he is, Mr. Keema. He fools Maureen and Judy into thinking he's a "good" alien because he is so handsome and gives them gifts. He tricks Smith into giving him all the Jupiter 2's weapons. The best scene is when Judy is trapped in the "minefield" which is just a bunch of beach balls. Keema rescues her and wins their confidence. At the end, he turns into a hideous monster right when he's patting Smith on the back. "Where's Mr. Keema?" Smith says. "I"M KEEMA!!". Of course his plan to destroy them all is foiled by the little alien, with the frog face, who conveniently turns into a prince. Whew, what a moral. Penny was looking good in these episodes. I bet Mark Goddard (Major West) got to bang her.

Lame Acts, Bad Food...and Hotties by the Thousands

2006-07-24T13:45:00.000-04:00

In a few weeks, the event that typically signals the end of the Summer of Lose will be here....Musikfest, or as we affectionately refer to it as, Slutfest. It's an event of historic importance that we look forward to all year, but at the same time, we are saddened that another summer of Lose is rapidly coming to a close.

Now let me describe Musikfest. It's a 2 week "music and arts" festival in Bethlehem. Sounds sort of like Woodstock, eh? In reality, it's a bunch of lame, has-been acts, combined with a bunch of bad, over-priced food. I think in the last 10 years of attending we actually paid to see one act...Alice Cooper. So what is it that draws us there, year after year?? Why do we look forward to this event like no other?? The music? The food? The culture?? The Indians who are there every year peddling their CD's? No. It's because this event draws young, beautiful hotties to it by the thousands. You will witness such a concentration of C and D cup, gorgeous high school and college hotties, all wearing next to nothing, parading around like it was a Playboy photo shoot...."look at me!! look at me!! i'm so sexy!!" Hey, they're there to parade around and show how hot they are, and i'm there to watch. "Eeeww, look at those creepy old guys staring at us!!" is probably what they're saying to their friends. Uh, that's creepy "middle aged" guy, honey. Old guys are over 60.

Now, the general routine is to grab some dogs at Potts (see my Dogged Out blog entry for details) before entering the main drag of action, which happens to be on Main St. The Potts doggies are far superior to anything you can get at the fest. Once there, we purchase a few cigars, and settle in for the festivities. This typically involves finding a bench right on Main street and watching the action while we have a long smoke. You can kill a few hours with ease. Somewhere in there, we will pop for a refreshing lemonade to quench our thirst, which has built up from the cigar smoke. Then it's back to the bench. If we're really adventurous, we'll pop for a funnel cake or a gyro. Last year we found an off-site pizza place to kill some time at in-between cigars. I'm thinking this year, I might even bring the camcorder to preserve the event for posterity, sort of a chronicle of the summer of Lose.

Now, what kills me, is that it seems that very few of these girls parading around are less than a C cup. Huge breasts seem to be the norm, not the exception. Twenty years ago, that was the reverse. What is happening here? Is it the growth hormone in the food?? Is every teenager demanding and getting implants?? Hey, I know bra technology has come a long way, but in most cases, you can clearly tell it's not the bra......there's little left to the imagination. Especially when they all wear those midriff baring, preggo or strappy tops that are 2 sizes too small.
So if anyone has a scientific explanation for the undeniable prevalence of huge thingies, let me know.

Aaah, Musikfest. We've been losing there for decades. And decades from now, we'll still be losing there. Such is the life of Lose.

Snortin Cover Tunes, Drinking Oranges

2006-07-24T08:13:00.000-04:00

On a tip from Dick Destiny, I picked up the new Pat Travers Power Trio 2 record...er, CD.
Most people might remember Pat Travers from his lone early 80's hit "Snortin Whiskey, Drinking Cocaine" tune where he hit his peak and did the arena circuit. So what does an aging ex-guitar hero offer today, you might ask? Absolutely killer versions of classic rock tunes, that's what.

Just look at the cover. This thing ROCKS. Travers is playing thru 4 Marshalls running into 4 Orange cabinets so you know he means business. Now, the Power Trio 1 record was pretty good, but I think the song selection here is even better, and the production is so loud that just about every version of these tunes sounds better than the original!! Mike Varney did a good job making this record LOUD and in your face. The songs include stuff from Cream, Zep, Grand Funk, Humble Pie, Deep Purple, Montrose, Queen....hell, there's even a cover of "Green Eyed Lady", the one-hit wonder from Sugarloaf. You'd know it as soon as you hear it (if you're over 40, that is). The only thing missing is "Ride Captain Ride" by Blues Image!! The only dud among the cuts is Bad Co's "Ready for Love" which I could have done without. He should have thrown in a Sir Lord Baltimore tune instead.

The versions of "Stone Cold Fever" and "How Many More Times" were particularly impressive in that they just plain SMOKE. Travers is on fire. The Marshall/Orange rig he's plugged into is obviously maxed out and it sounds fantastic.

Highly Recommended.

CREECH

2006-07-18T13:34:00.000-04:00

Another favorite episode of Lost in Space is the one with Creech. There he is. He's about to go straight thru Devil's Quadrant to escape prison, where there is a fortune in Deutronium waiting outside. Of course he convinces Smith to go along with him, and share the fortune, not to the liking of Major West. Creech has some classic lines. "You think it's hot now? Wait till summer!". OR "Welp, back to work time!!" They don't make shows this good anymore!!

Marshall and Hiwatt Heaven

2006-07-16T00:20:00.000-04:00

My blog topics would not be complete without a rant about guitars and amps. Hey, it's what I love dearest. So i'll start out with the amps. Guitar amps, that is. Sure, we all know that tube amps are best, but i've heard some damn good solid state ones, too. That little Gallien Krueger one comes to mind. But for the real daddys, you need the 50 and 100 watt tube heads. For hard rock and roll that invariably leads to Marshall.
The Marshall I was using with Dick Destiny and the Highway Kings I still have...its the JCM800 50 watt, right after they switched back to EL34 tubes (ca. 1986). The amp is absolutely killer. It's got one sound, but it's THE sound. Plug and turn up to 10, that's it. It was a perfect match for Dick's Hiwatt head....which had a different sound, but still killer. Together it was like a nuclear holocaust. I think the live sound the Highway Kings had at that time was like a Panzer division at the beginning of the Battle of the Bulge. It was crushing. All these weenie "alt" bands we would open for had these little combo amps, and we went onstage with like 4 full stacks. If you go to the Dick Destiny homepage (www.myspace.com/thehighwaykings) some of that wattage is captured to tape. Volume is King. I still have that Marshall, and still love it. Kerry King of Slayer is a vocal fan of the JCM800 as well. Now, besides Marshall and Hiwatt there is Orange, which also gives you the British "crunch" sound, and Laney, which Tony Iommi plays all those Sabbath licks thru.

In a different camp are the American high-gain monsters like Boogie, Soldano, Peavey 5150, etc.
A lot of metal players swear by the Boogie Triple Rectifier. These amps have tons of distortion generated at the pre-amp stage....the so-called "cascading gain". The notes sustain for days.
I've played thru all of them, and they are very enticing, but I always go back to Marshall. Sometimes too much distortion just muddies it up. If you listen very closely to any AC/DC record you will notice that the guitar sound is not really gung-ho distorted. It's the sound of a Marshall plexi cranked up to 10, with pure power tube distortion.

Of course then there's the "clean" amps like the Fender Twin, a classic. All the guitar sounds on the Sex Pistols "Never Mind the Bollocks" are supposedly Steve Jones using a Les Paul into a Twin Reverb......obviously with a pedal in front (if anyone knows which one, let me know!!). But there's no denying the guitar sound on that album is killer. In fact the best thing about Fender's is they are very adaptable to any pedal you throw in front of it. I happened to come across a used Bassman head, and snapped it up. If I put a RAT distortion pedal in front of it, look out.....it just screams.

A consequence of all this decibel abuse is, of course, hearing loss. And i'm sure I have it.
Fortunately i'm not subject to 130 decibels on a nightly basis like in the heyday. But I could have used the volume to disintegrate my kidney stones, instead of going in for that damn lithotripsy.

The Legacy of DS Audio

2006-07-15T12:32:00.000-04:00

Another integral component (no pun intended) of the life of Lose is high end audio. Our fascination with this started in high school. There were several stereo shops in the Reading area, but only one of them sold the GOOD stuff......and that was DS Audio. They had the good stuff, alright....Audio Research, Klipsch, Advent, Crown, Luxman, Tandberg, Dahlquist. The other store, WES Audio, was mid-fi at best....Yamaha, NAD, Bang and Olufsen level. To us, that stuff was junk. No wonder the owner, H David Smith, hated us.......we'd make it a point to hang out there every Friday night and generally be a nuisance....but never bought anything!!! We were so fanatical that even one time, we had a snowday, and walked 5 miles thru the unplowed streets to get there. There was a salesman there, Jim Breslauer, or "Bres", that was a deadhead, and we'd listen to the Grateful Dead's "Skull and Roses" album over the various systems. It took us well over a year to save up enough cash to even purchase the entry level systems, mine was the Onkyo A5 integrated amp/Advent Loudspeaker/Connoisseur turntable set up. I think that was $650......about what I pay a month these days just for gas. Back then it was a freakin fortune. Eventually DS opened up a store in Lancaster, and Bres was switched to there, so we would make the trip to Lancaster to hang out and cause trouble. For high school graduation I got a Nakamichi cassette deck, for $600, what was then a huge amount of money. It was supposed to be state of the art. That was used to make tapes for the car system. Eventually I replaced the Connoisseur with a Denon turntable. Then CD players started to come out, around 1985, and I got the Denon DCD-1000. Hell, I even had a job for a while selling stereo equipment, at Listening Booth. It was stuff like Kenwood, EPI speakers, Pioneer, I think we had Dokorder open reel decks. I got fired from that job for not selling enough. How could I sell junk??

The trip in the snow to DS was legendary in the annals of Lose. Not only was it a nearly impossible trek in the cold deep snow, but we met one of our first loves at the Friendly's across the street. Her name was Fern and she attended to our cold wet bodies to serve us up some ice cream. What the hell were we doing eating ice cream in the dead of winter? I remember seeing the Dipwell behind the counter where they wash out the scoopers. It remained a source of amusement for many years. I loved Fern, but alas, she didn't love me. Loser again.

There was one guy that started working there after Bres left. His name was Dick. He didn't know anything and we would go in there and drill him with questions and then set him straight when he got it wrong. One time we got him so pissed, he turned red and yelled "I'm getting hot under the collar" and almost threw us out. H David had to come over and settle him down and decompress the vein in his head.

On one trek to the Lancaster DS we had some week-old hamburger to get rid of. Don't remember why we brought it in the car with us, but we had to get rid of it. It stank and was all slimy and green. An unexpecting chick was walking down the street and we thought it'd be funny to whip it at her as we drove by. We hit her right in the head. I guess she was in the wrong place at the wrong time. Too bad for her.

We stayed loyal to DS even when they moved over to Penn Street in West Reading. Although by then, we were already tired of dealing with the shrewd and rude owner himself. Hi-end audio was on the way out at that point and was being supplanted by "home theater". Of course, all that home theater stuff is junk, but cleverly marketed. Even the cheap entry level stuff was good enough for most people, and when Circuit City started selling the stuff cheap, that marked the end. H. David disappeared and probably ended up selling used cars. Bres probably overdosed on weed listening to Pig Pen and the boys.

Even today it's tough to find a high end store that hasn't gone under. There's Overture in Wilmington... Stereo Barn in Reading carries McIntosh....I can't even think of any others. It's easier to get the stuff on eBay. I get stuff mail order from Audio Advisor and Music Direct, too. You can score mint used Audio Research and McIntosh gear. Tweeter used to be decent, but now is pretty much degraded to Best Buy level crap. Of course those places are good for TV's and stuff, but not audio. Those "home theater" receivers that you can lift with one finger are a laugh.

As for now, well, it's taken me 30 years to finally own an Audio Research preamp, the SP16, and I had to get it on ebay for $1000. That's paired with a Rogue Stereo 90 tube power amp, a Philips CD player, and a Rega Planar turntable all going into Klipsch Forte II speakers. I don't use the table much, even though vinyl is still supposed to be the best. It's just too much hassle.
The Klipsch speakers we've been a fan of ever since we heard the Klipsch Heresy's at DS Audio. No doubt about it, for hard rock, they are the speaker of choice. Of course, Klipsch did some poor business moves and tarnished their image by marketing a line of junk stuff at Best Buy. They came to their senses, somewhat at least, by recently re-introducing their classics like the Klipschorn, LaScala, and Cornwall. The Rogue I got used off some dude at the Philly guitar show, to replace an Adcom power amp, a good amp but still "mid-fi", since it's solid state. The Rogue has four KT88's that give you those sweet, sweet highs and smooth mids. I had it modded right at the factory in Brodheadsville, where I met the owner. Nice dude. Of the original 1977 system I still have the Advents and Onkyo. Still got the original Denon CD player, too. And yeah, it still sounds good, 30 years later. After replacing the rotted Advent woofers, that is.

Cigar of Choice

2006-07-14T14:51:00.000-04:00

Here's my cigar of choice for this summer of Lose. I've converted over to the Ashton Maduro's. In fact last summer it was the cigar of choice, too. I see no reason to switch.
Man they're good. Real mild and smooth. I was smoking the Macanudo Maduro's before, but I think these are better. The weather's just been so crappy, it's been tough to sit on the porch and smoke a stogie and watch the neighborhood cooz, like some old pervert (which I am).
I have a little humidor, and no matter how much you keep it humid, the cigars still go stale after a few weeks. I've had to throw out too many $10 cigars including a few Romeo Y Julieta's. Which is why i've switched to only buying fresh ones the day I plan to smoke them. Either that, or install a walk-in humidor in my house. As such, it's just another tiny slice of happiness, like a good hot dog, in this otherwise shitty life.

Divorce 101

2006-07-14T12:52:00.000-04:00

OK, so like 50% of the guys out there, i've been thru a divorce. The first 50% will know what i'm talking about; i'm writing this for the other 50% who have yet to experience this happy event. Maybe you never will....if so, congrats, you beat the odds. Sure, you're happy that you're finally rid of the shrew you were stuck with. In many cases you married some hottie nympho, whom you mistakenly thought would STAY a hot nympho forever. Now that she's a fat bitch, you're living in hell. I guarantee that some of these guys here that are supposed "A Typers" and work 80 hour weeks, is directly because they simply don't want to go home to THAT.

Now, I don't have to tell you that divorce totally screws the guy....you all know that. But the extent of the unfairness was even more than I imagined it would be. Just bend over, and get reamed in the ass....there's nothing you can do in the courts to prevent it. Even a cheating wife will still take you for everything you've got, and there's nothing you can do about it, because most states are now "no-fault" divorce, meaning it doesn't matter if you were the perfect husband and she was a cheating slut, she'll still get your dough. She'll also get a huge hunk (60%) of your 401K and any other savings, and also 60% of your house. See, the marriage contract is not " I love you, and want to spend the rest of my life with you". It's "I love you now, but if I decide I don't love you later on, I can leave, and take your money with me".

If you have kids, it's even worse. If you're wife was a stay at home mom, and you were the breadwinner, it's the worst possible scenario. Be prepared to fork over half your paycheck.
Child support is also completely unfair to the guy, too. And here's why. Unless the mom is some drunken boob, it is most likely the mother will get "primary" custody. So-called "joint" custody is a joke, and there's no benefit to the father. Now, that means the child support payments go right to the mother. The father winds up paying child support TWICE....because when you see your kid, you are not getting re-imbursed from the mom...you are paying OUT OF POCKET. My ex is using child support money right now to spend 3 weeks in Italy with her new stud. They don't even have to prove to the court, to ANYONE, that the money I give is going towards my child. No proof. They can be using it to buy booze and it wouldn't matter. I know for a fact that a very small percentage of my money is going toward my child...the rest is going towards her bills and of course those extravagant vacations.

In addition to almost a mortgage payment in child support (that's for ONE kid), the father is also expected to pay most of the daycare, and also tuition. I am paying the full amount for my daughter to attend Catholic school. That's on top of child support. Then I have to pay for all insurance, and whatever is not paid by insurance, I get the bills for, and have to pay those.

So there you have it. Guys, I know when you have some hot chick, you are deluded by the sex. You think you'd better get married, so you can have that hot piece of ass your whole life. Just don't do it. The chick will always push for marriage because they know it's a win-win....if it doesn't work, they win anyway. Marriage is a joke and was invented solely to "protect" the woman. It used to be that you needed "grounds" for a divorce, but today women realize what a cash cow it is, so at the slightest bit of trouble in the marriage, they head right for the lawyer. Why should they stay with you, when they can leave, fuck some other guy with a bigger dick, and still have your money??

Remember, any chick who is a 5 or better, can land another guy within a week....and they know it. Don't kid yourself.

Sure Plays a Mean Pinball

2006-07-13T13:14:00.000-04:00

Pinball has always been an integral component of the life of Lose. It's depressing to see pinball essentially disappear from every arcade and bowling alley, to be replaced by those stupid video games. Yeah, call me an old fogey, but pinball still rules.
I can remember the early days of Lose, marathon pinball sessions every Friday and Sat nite at the mall. There was nothing more beautiful than to walk into that arcade and see rows and rows of pintables neatly aligned with flashing lights and enticing sounds. It was a good way to sharpen your skills while all the other winners were scoring hot chicks. And we got good, too. A lot of games we could beat repeatedly...like Countdown, Vector, Xenon. If I had the room, i'd get one for the house. But theres' too many Marshall stacks cluttering it up to be able to fit a pintable.
Lately the only pintable we could find is Attack From Mars. After several rounds, we were able to reek it. The old skill is still there. You never lose it, you just have to sharpen up.
Fortunately Dip 2 managed to score Countdown and Silverball pintables to preserve the legacy.

Here's a great site http://www.ipdb.org/ that catalogs every pinball machine made from the early 30's to the present. We came onto the scene at the start of the microprocessor controlled machines. Often referred to as the solid state era. You know, the first ones to use fluorescent digits and voice chips. We got to hear Gorgar utter his whole vocabulary of seven words. How impressive. We also got to witness the first two level machines, which Vector probably was our favorite. At this time another innovation came out with the wide playing fields. This allowed a bunch more targets and stuff to try to hit. Big Game and Paragon were the hits with these. If there ever was a golden era of pinball, that was it.

There was actually quite a bit of ceremony around the Friday night at the arcade. It usually involved driving around the mall parking lot trying to impress young females of how loud our car audio systems were. Much like today, except that we played cool music, not that rap crap. For some reason it didn't seem to have any affect on our score ratio (we still lost), but we kept trying damnit. The chicks didn't like the Judas Priest we were playing, they liked Poison. They knew we were losers. Eventually we would get hassled by the mall security and thrown off the premises, where we would start it all over again the following week. We sure were persistent. After 2 hours of pinball, the mall would close and we would re-group for a wench hunt. But that's for a different blog.

Corporate Games and A-Typers Rant

2006-07-12T15:55:00.000-04:00

Let's face it folks, work sucks. At least work in a corporate environment. I'm supposed to work in a field (pharmaceuticals) where everyone is intelligent. Real Type A go-getters. Hey, i've got a PhD too, but I don't consider myself intelligent. Smart, but not intelligent. No one else in this company is intelligent, either, and i'll tell you why. Real intelligent people find a way to make money by NOT WORKING! Real intelligent people make money, and spend their days ON A YACHT!! Intelligent people are not slaves to the man, they are slaves only unto themselves!! They work WHEN they want, not when others tell them to. You get the idea. The man who concocted and sells the plastic cube with garbage from the streets of New York, and sells it as a souvenier....GENIUS!! That man is smarter than all the PhD's in this company combined.
Now you can say, well, maybe these people actually enjoy their work and want to do it. My retort is if any idiot enjoys sitting at some dumbass meeting discussing the most trivial of minutia in great detail, more than lying on a beach in Rio, he is psychologically ill and needs professional help.

Now on to the corporate games. Again, you might think i'm delusional here, and this stuff is all a figment of my imagination. I have corroborating evidence from friends in other corporate environments (engineering, business) that this stuff is real and happens in those fields, too. So it's not only in science (where there seems to be a large percentage of A-typers), but for that reason I would assume it to be most prevalent in science and engineering jobs. Now, the whole basis of the corporate games is that, invariably, your boss is an A-Typer, which is the reason he is your boss. Usually nice guys with other interests who are "family" men don't rise to the top of the corporate ladder, because only a certain personality is capable of it. You know, the typical workaholic, has no other life, basically just an asshole kind of person. The kind of guy who would rather go to a poster session than a strip club. I've seen exceptions but very few. The games are devised to try to impress the A-Typer, because the A-Typer does these things routinely. So it's sort of a fine line between game and A-Type behavior. Without further adieu, here are the games!!!

The First Official Corporate Game List

1. The "first in, last out" game. This game was even satired on Seinfeld....where George leaves his car in the lot, and Wilhelm thinks he's working 80 hour weeks. That proves it is universal. YOu always want to be the first one in, and the last one out. If you have to choose one or the other, it's always more impressive to stay late than to be in early. You could get to work at 4AM, but if you 're seen leaving at 3PM, you're still slacking off.

2. The "work thru lunch" game. This one is rampant here, and from what i've been told, is rampant everywhere. Even though there is a cafeteria with seating, it's better to get your food and eat right at your desk, doing work. Better yet is to skip eating all together, and work right thru. "I don't have time for lunch, i'm too busy" is a good line to use. Or "I missed lunch? Oh, I was so busy I forgot about it".

3. The "gotta get back" game. When you are actually FORCED to attend an outside lunch at a restaraunt, usually for a "working" lunch. The game is to be the first one, immediately after wolfing down the food, to get up and say "I gotta get back to work". This makes it look like the lunch is an inconvenience for you, and is taking away valuable work time. Of course if it is a "social" lunch, say for someone's birthday, you refuse to go, saying you are "too busy".

4. The "won't want to come back" game. This is a variation on #3. This is where you are invited to go out to lunch. You don't want to be seen as antisocial, but want to play the game, so you say, "oh, I would go, but it's so nice out, I won't want to come back". That way you can resort to game #2 without seeming like an A typer. Of course it only works if it's sunny out.

5. The "email at midnight" game. This one is a common one. You send out emails at all hours of the night, 2AM, 3AM, etc. Makes it look like you are working straight thru the night.

6. The "snow" game. Aaah, one of my favorites. The game is to be the last one at work when the place is clearing out because there is a snowstorm outside. It doesn't matter how treacherous the roads are, or how high the snow is piling. You gotta be the last one standing to show your dedication. Same thing applies to hurricane or flooding situations.

7. The "day after snow" game. Again, a variation on game #6. This is the day after a large snowstorm, and things are still being plowed out. Some major roads may still be closed or unplowed. The game is to be the first one in at work....preferably before 7AM. Which means you were up all night shoveling out. It's a mighty display of dedication.

8. The "laptop" game. This is a no-brainer. You bring your laptop everywhere. If you leave at 11PM, and plan on coming in at 6AM, you still bring your laptop home. If you are going on vacation, funeral, wedding, it doesn't matter, you bring your laptop, to make it look like you are constantly working, checking emails, etc. If you are in the hospital, have someone bring your laptop to you so you can "catch up" in between surgeries.

9. The "company picnic" game. This obviously only applies to employers that are generous enough to sponsor a picnic. You always refuse to go, saying you are "too busy" at work to attend.

10. The "vacation" game. The game here is to forfeit your paid vacation, and work instead. I must say I don't see too much of that one here, but friends have told me it happens at their company.

11. The "Friday" game. The game here is to stay as late as possible on a Friday, when everyone else is leaving early because they have lives. A twist is to stay extra late on a Friday before a three day weekend, like Memorial day. YOu say " I just gotta finish up a few things before the weekend".

12. The "weekend" game. Again, a no-brainer, and a variation of game #10 and #11. YOu simply work all weekend, or at least show up for a few hours. Or just send out some emails over the weekend, a variation on game #5.

13. The "Xmas" game. This is one of the best. You come into work on Xmas day, or stay real late on Xmas eve. Show everyone how work is more important to you than family. That's a real ace in the hole, there. The problem is, there might not be anyone around to actually SEE you, so it might be better just to send emails on Xmas day, as in game #5.

14. The "come in sick" game. Here, you come into work even though you are sick, coughing up a lung, or vomiting, or whatever. You are just too important to stay home, so you make everyone else sick along with you. This move attempts to show, again, just how dedicated you are, but may make enemies as well. If the boss tells you to go home, of course you bring your laptop with you, so you can vomit on it.

15. The "happy hour" game. In this one, all your co-workers are going out after work to happy hour. You, of course, refuse, saying you are too busy and need to stay late. It goes without saying to always say this so the boss can hear you. Even if the boss goes, refuse to go.

16. The "business trip" game. When on a business trip, you must make use of every available free time that you have to do work. That means when waiting to board the plane you must immediately start typing a report. Once on the plane, you must not read a magazine. You must immediately open the laptop and continue typing. You must always be told by the stewardess to close your laptop before taking off, and look annoyed that someone would interrupt your "work". An extension of this is once your on the business trip, you can never go out and sightsee the area. You must go immediately back to the hotel, and you guessed it, starting typing on that laptop. You must constantly check your email. God forbid you would miss responding to an email. Same goes for if co-workers invite you to go out to dinner.....you must refuse, saying you'd rather get back to the hotel and get a head start on tomorrow's agenda. During "breaks" in poster sessions, you must have your laptop handy to check emails, too.

17. The "boast" game. Here you casually slip into conversation to others how hard you work, and how many hours you put in. You use that as an excuse for any mistakes or fuck-ups you've made. For instance if you are talking to an A-typer about comp time, the A-typer would respond, "Well, if I got comp time, I could take off the rest of the year." Or if the A-typer makes a mistake and is called out, they will reply with, "Well, if you worked 80 hours a week, you would be tired and make mistakes too."

Dogged Out

2006-07-12T15:22:00.000-04:00

Part of the lifestyle of Lose is the perpetual quest for the best cheesesteak or hot dog. Hey, we know it will kill us, but it's just one moment of happiness....like a good cigar, you can't resist.
The Philly area is cheesesteak mecca, so there's plenty of places to check out. We've already done several Pats/ Geno's side by side comparisons and inevitably Pat's wins out. Genos does get points for their "speak English or no service" sign, however. Jim's on South St. is also a favorite, but they're a little skimpy on the meat. You can fix that by picking up a slice of pizza at Lorenzo's a block down the street. Dalassandro's is also a favorite but it's sort of out of the way.
While the classic cheesesteak is a "wiz wit", meaning cheeze whiz and fried onions, the "wiz" is very deadly, and in most cases will give you a bonzai in about 20 minutes. So I usually get provolone. But for the authentic experience you gotta get a wiz wit.

As for dogs, there are several favorites. The Dog House in Reading i've been a patron of for 30 years, and the dogs (and burgers) are hard to beat. You just say "two and two, please". That's two burgers and two dogs. Yocco's in Allentown is good too, and you can supplement your 3 dogs with an order of pierogies. Then there's Potts in Bethlehem, which we usually hit at Musikfest (or as we call it, Slutfest). Jimmy John's in West Chester people were raving about, but they have the "skinned" dogs which i'm not a fan of. Hell, we even took a day off and went right to the top dog, so to speak, drove right up to the original Nathan's in Coney Island. While my buddies gave high marks, I wasn't too impressed, the rolls were not steamed and the chili sauce had beans, which is a no-no in my book. Of course the objective at Nathans was to eat as many dogs as you can, and then try to keep from puking as you ride the Cyclone over and over.
After one ride I was already close to barfing, but then i've always had a weak stomach.

I can't even begin to catalog all the places, but check out HollyEats.com, a great site which ranks pretty much all of them in the tri-state area.

Sweet, sweet Lana

2006-07-12T11:15:00.000-04:00

Kristen Kreuk, who plays Lana on Smallville, is the most beautiful woman in show biz. Now, what we can't figure out, is why she has such a low profile. I mean, why isn't she in all the celebrity rags like Paris Hilton, Lohan, Jessica Simpson, Hillary Duff, etc etc???? She's better looking than all of them!! I mean, just look at her....she's gorgeous!!!!
But yet, you pick up People or Us or whatever, and she's NOWHERE to be found!!! What's the deal? What celebrity stud is banging her?? When will she pose for Maxim or Playboy?? When will she come out with a movie where she plays a stripper, or hooker, or pregnant teen?? These are questions we want to know!!!
Kristen, I love you with all my heart and soul. I'm sure you would just love to be with a middle aged loser. Choose me, and we will travel the dusty road to matrimony, in double harness.

Lemnoc

2006-07-11T14:36:00.000-04:00

Here's Lemnoc from one of my favorite Lost in Space episodes!!! Good, good.....you are learning!!

Return of the Stent Man

2006-07-11T13:46:00.000-04:00

Well it figures that my urinary tract is still fucked up. After a year of six lithotripsies and having a stent in there, now there's something wrong with my bladder. It all goes back 7 years ago when I had that kidney stone attack at Ed's pool party. I was writhing on the floor of his family room in agony while the kids were laughing at me. That one must of passed, cause a few years went by till my next attack. I was home alone for that one, and had to call 911 since the pain wouldn't let up for 6 hours and I was puking blood. To make a long story short, they found my right kidney to have 3 stones basically the size of marbles and I had to undergo "lithotripsy", or sonication, to break them up. The doc's tell you they will disintegrate into 'sand", but in reality they disintegrate into "gravel" that you have to pee out. It ain't pleasant. So that your ureter doesn't get clogged up, they put a stent from your kidney to your bladder to keep things open.

I eventually pissed out all the hunks of stone, and they yanked the stent out after a year. That was fun, too. Now they found something in my bladder, and it ain't a stone. If only the side effect of all this was to enlarge my Willy, but sadly that didn't happen, in fact I think it shrunk. Loser again!! Not like I use it anyway.....
So I now await the results of the CAT scan. Oh, and drinking that barium stuff gives you the trots.....they dont' tell you that.

Happiness is a new TV...

2006-07-11T13:42:00.000-04:00

It's a good thing I picked up an LCD TV.....I needed something to keep me happy for another week, just in case I need more major surgery. Plus, summer's almost over already and i'm getting kind of depressed. I narrowed the choice down to a 32 in. Sharp Aquos, Samsung, or Sony. The Sony was too expensive. The Samsung had impressive specs and picture, but I didn't like the styling, the speakers on the side. I liked the higher priced Samsung but didn't want to pop for the extra $200. So I went with the Sharp. Even on regular cable, the picture is killer. Blows away my old Toshiba behemoth hands down. Watched a movie with Teri Hatcher naked in it last nite, called "Cool Surface". She is without a doubt one of the most beautiful women I have ever seen. And she shows it all off in that movie. I love her. They are real, and spectacular, you ain't kiddin!!!

Slayer Still Reigns

2006-07-11T13:04:00.000-04:00

One of the few gigs worth attending this summer was the Unholy Alliance tour, with Slayer, Lamb of God, Mastodon, and Children of Bodom. Ozzfest? You gotta be kidding. It's all nu-metal this year. The gig just proved, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that Slayer are the greatest heavy band to ever exist. Hands down, nothing can top those guys. And they're in their 40's , too!! As usual the place went ballistic when they began the drum intro to "Reign in Blood". Hahneman looked like his usual drunken self. Lamb of God sucked because the singer had an Anselmo complex, he was just trying too hard to be Phil Anselmo. Mastodon proved that they are the best new band to come along in quite some time....awesome. I recommend everyone to pick up Leviathan. I can't remember his name, but Mastodon's drummer is just a Keith Moon-style madman but plays with complete precision. Of course Dave Lombardo needs no comment....the man is a drum god.

Other than that the summer appears dry, gig wise. A week later we hit Robin Trower at the TLA, of course doing a Jim's Steaks and Lorenzo run pre-gig. Trower's a legend, but compared to the Slayer gig it was like being at a James Taylor show. He's gotten slower and bluesier in his old age. Check out the Robin Trower Strat that Fender custom shop is putting out.

Welcome to the World of Lose

2006-07-07T14:53:00.000-04:00

This will be a blog of lose. Many of you have never read such a thing, you will think the events I describe will be impossible, or are fiction, or a figment of my chemically altered imagination. I assure you they will all be real. The blog will be about the daily life of lose of a paunchy, ill-healthed, divorced, middle aged man. A man who has lost at the game of life. Superficially I appear to be a success.....PhD in biochemistry, house, 2 cars. But the cloud of lose has been over me for the last 45 years. We'll attempt to go way back, and see where it all went wrong.
It will also describe other things that sort of keep you from putting a gun to your head....like TV, Slayer concerts, cigars, cheesesteaks, pinball, hot dogs, guitars, porn, high end audio, etc. The things that give you a reason to get up in the morning. It certainly ain't work. In science, most everyone is an "A Typer"....you know, eats, sleeps, and shits their job. Me, I just want to get the hell home, away from the insanity, the madness, the cut-throat world of corporate games. Woody Allen said it best..."There are small oases, moments of respite, moments where we are all distracted from the abysmal nightmare that human existence is". This blog will be about those distractions. "Some of you might not yet know what i'm talking about.....don't worry, you will" Lester Burnham, American Beauty