Friday, July 14, 2006

Divorce 101

OK, so like 50% of the guys out there, i've been thru a divorce. The first 50% will know what i'm talking about; i'm writing this for the other 50% who have yet to experience this happy event. Maybe you never will....if so, congrats, you beat the odds. Sure, you're happy that you're finally rid of the shrew you were stuck with. In many cases you married some hottie nympho, whom you mistakenly thought would STAY a hot nympho forever. Now that she's a fat bitch, you're living in hell. I guarantee that some of these guys here that are supposed "A Typers" and work 80 hour weeks, is directly because they simply don't want to go home to THAT.

Now, I don't have to tell you that divorce totally screws the all know that. But the extent of the unfairness was even more than I imagined it would be. Just bend over, and get reamed in the ass....there's nothing you can do in the courts to prevent it. Even a cheating wife will still take you for everything you've got, and there's nothing you can do about it, because most states are now "no-fault" divorce, meaning it doesn't matter if you were the perfect husband and she was a cheating slut, she'll still get your dough. She'll also get a huge hunk (60%) of your 401K and any other savings, and also 60% of your house. See, the marriage contract is not " I love you, and want to spend the rest of my life with you". It's "I love you now, but if I decide I don't love you later on, I can leave, and take your money with me".

If you have kids, it's even worse. If you're wife was a stay at home mom, and you were the breadwinner, it's the worst possible scenario. Be prepared to fork over half your paycheck.
Child support is also completely unfair to the guy, too. And here's why. Unless the mom is some drunken boob, it is most likely the mother will get "primary" custody. So-called "joint" custody is a joke, and there's no benefit to the father. Now, that means the child support payments go right to the mother. The father winds up paying child support TWICE....because when you see your kid, you are not getting re-imbursed from the are paying OUT OF POCKET. My ex is using child support money right now to spend 3 weeks in Italy with her new stud. They don't even have to prove to the court, to ANYONE, that the money I give is going towards my child. No proof. They can be using it to buy booze and it wouldn't matter. I know for a fact that a very small percentage of my money is going toward my child...the rest is going towards her bills and of course those extravagant vacations.

In addition to almost a mortgage payment in child support (that's for ONE kid), the father is also expected to pay most of the daycare, and also tuition. I am paying the full amount for my daughter to attend Catholic school. That's on top of child support. Then I have to pay for all insurance, and whatever is not paid by insurance, I get the bills for, and have to pay those.

So there you have it. Guys, I know when you have some hot chick, you are deluded by the sex. You think you'd better get married, so you can have that hot piece of ass your whole life. Just don't do it. The chick will always push for marriage because they know it's a win-win....if it doesn't work, they win anyway. Marriage is a joke and was invented solely to "protect" the woman. It used to be that you needed "grounds" for a divorce, but today women realize what a cash cow it is, so at the slightest bit of trouble in the marriage, they head right for the lawyer. Why should they stay with you, when they can leave, fuck some other guy with a bigger dick, and still have your money??

Remember, any chick who is a 5 or better, can land another guy within a week....and they know it. Don't kid yourself.


Blogger tosh_mine said...

u have guided me i guess.

3:08 PM  
Blogger Dip said...

any time, bud...I always tell it like it is!!

3:49 PM  
Blogger Donnie (aka Shadowtwin) said...

See. That is exactly why I kill the women and keep them in the walk-in freezer in my barn. Sure they are a bit frigid (in more ways than one) when it comes to sex, but all it takes is a well placed, microwaved, potato to warm up the naughty bits and everyone is happy. Well, except for the woman, but she is dead so she can't exactly be unhappy either.

The only downside to this approach is that after a couple of months of continually freezing and thawing, certain parts begin to experience pretty advanced decay. Best to bury them in concrete and start over.

The key to a good concrete burial is to first lay a foundation that is several inches thick, and use a form along with rebar to make some walls that are about 18 inches high. This should all be in a single pour, of course. Once that has hardened, you can place the corpse in the half a box that you created, put it in a large hole out on the back forty, and cover it with a several tons more of concrete. This completely seals the body to keep the smell contatined (although concrete is porous so some bleed through is to be expected), and is a bitch to break open because of the rebar and box-within-blob construction. If you happen to live near an abandoned quarry that has been reclaimed as a lake, that is even better than burying the blob, since it will obviously sink, and no one would really question why such a large mass of waste concrete was laying at the bottom of an old mining site.

Or you could just have sex with hookers. The up-front investment may seem like a lot of money, but when you compare it to the initial investment of setting up a walk-in freezer in your barn and buying a cement mixer, you probably come out ahead in the long run. And also it is only a misdemeanor if you get caught with a prostitute, where I am to the point that if I am caught, I can't let them take me alive.

Well, to each his own, I guess.

4:19 PM  
Blogger slb159 said...

Uggg, I'll have to link this story on my site. Classic instructions, dip.

"The key to a good concrete burial..."
I'll see you at the tables tonight my man.

4:00 PM  
Blogger Iakaris aka I.A.K. said...

Dude, you have my condolences. I've been married 7 years, got 3 kids, and we both have high stress jobs. Unsurprisingly, we've been to the brink a couple of times, so I have certainly peered into that abyss. Scary, scary shit. I think the toughest part of the aftermath from watching my friends take years to recover is getting to where they can trust a woman again.

Some remain embittered permanently. Others buy cement mixers and walk-in fridges [note to self: NEVAH eat dinner at Donnie's!]


6:42 PM  
Blogger MsAngelnut said...

Not always. I am a divorced woman, and under the Child Support guidelines in my state, I pay HIM not only Child Support, but also ALIMONY! I joke about it by saying, "Well, now I've officially BECOME A MAN!"

I have the kids 75% of the time because he didn't take them on many of the weekends he was supposed to have them. But my child support and alimony was based on him having them 50% of the time, not 25% of the time. Why didn't he have them more? Because he was dating (and is now re-married to someone who makes more than I do, yet I still have to pay alimony for one more year).

Divorce does not always favor the woman. Of course, I tried to handle my divorce without going to court to save money. Now I'm wishing I HAD gone to Court--it probably would have cost me less in the long run.

I guess the moral of my story is don't try to "be nice" or "be fair." Being nice and being fair never got anyone anything but a good, swift kick in the ass.

12:09 PM  

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