Slayer, Grand Funk, and Haircuts

When I was 12 years old and in 6th grade, my favorite record was Grand Funk's Live Album. After all these years, it's still up there probably in my top 10. I had never heard anything that heavy before. My path to metal was pretty simple....Archies (Bang Shang a Lang) to Beatles to Three Dog Night to Steppenwolf to Santana (first album) to Grand Funk. Around the same time it was then Deep Purples' In Rock album. But that Live Album, man...... I waited with anticipation for the next Grand Funk record. I had already gone out and snapped up Survival and E Pluribus Funk. Finally the day arrived.....there was a new album!! It was called Phoenix. I slapped that vinyl on, and you should have seen the expression on my face when I heard it. This sucks!! One giant piece of doggy doo. I don't think there was one heavy song on it. My gods had fallen. Do these guys actually LIKE this stuff?? After that, Farner cut his hair, and it was never the same. Shinin On? All the Girls of the World Beware? Gimme a break.

From that point on, i've had a real problem with bands that start out heavy and wuss out by the second or third record. The list is a mile long. Remember the first Montrose record?? It was all downhill from there. Van Halen....Scorpions....Priest......Zeppelin....Metallica.....Megadeth.....Anthrax....they're all guilty of starting out heavy and sounding like Journey by their later albums. Rock magazines love that shit, and say that the artist is "growing" or "maturing". Bullshit I say. I mean even Ted Nugent, who on Double Live Gonzo said "anyone who wants to get mellow can turn around and get the fuck out of here", went against his own words and put out album after album of crapola.

Which brings me, 33 years later, to the new Slayer record, Christ Illusion. I maintain that Slayer are probably the greatest heavy band to ever live, and here's why. You slap that Slayer record on, and it smokes. You know it will smoke. There's no doubt. There's no "Phoenix" in the Slayer catalog. There's no "bic lighter power ballad". Slayer have become rich men, and they haven't compromised one iota. Name one other band this consistently heavy....Motorhead?? Not quite. AC/DC? Again, close, but no cigar. Metallica? Just joking there. Pantera?? They're history.

Christ Illusion is actually better than the last two, Diabolus and God Hates Us All. Maybe it's Lombardo back at the helm that did it.

Just go buy the damn thing. You can't go wrong. Now, if Araya cuts his hair....look out.