Thursday, December 30, 2010

How to Spend New Years Eve Alone

As many of my fellow losers will, like me, spend New Years Eve alone, i've compiled this help list to ease the agony. Here's what you can be doing, instead of banging some significant other like everybody else is doing.

1. Watch The Twilight Zone marathon on SciFi. This is usually what I wind up doing. My favorite episodes are the one with pre-Kojak Telly Savalas with the talking doll (talking Tina) he tries to kill, and the ones with pre-Star Trek Captain Kirk Bill Shatner where he becomes obsessed with a fortune telling machine with a devil head, and where he spots a man in a monkey suit on the plane wing and everyone thinks he's bonkers.

2. Watch the Three Stooges marathon on AMC. Hey, the Stooges rule what else can be said.

3. Watch Eraserhead. Or another Lynch masterpiece such as Mulholland Drive, or Lost Highway or Inland Empire. But Eraserhead is the bleakest, and more appropriate for new years eve of lose.

4. Watch Porn. This might not be a good idea, since you are watching what everyone else except you is doing for real. Why torture yourself even more?

5. Play the Ramones "It's Alive" album at high volume. This was recorded new years eve 1977 and kicks ass. YOu can follow it with Slayer's "Reign in Blood" for maximum effect.

6. Play russian roulette. Hey, I even bought a Ruger LCR just in case I decide to play.

7. Kill yourself. This might be the best option of all!!! That way you won't have to face another new years eve alone ever again!! As a bonus, you won't have to go into work on Monday, either.


Blogger Stooge Moe said...

You just need to get out and meet people. There's single women all around, you just have to find them.

I was out on New Years with my girlfriend Kelly. We had a great time. We did drink too much though. Maybe next year you can tag along. There's nothing more exciting than wearing party hats and singing Auld Lang Syne after the ball drops. We might even head up to Times Square for 2012. That would be the ultimate celebration.

1:26 PM  

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