L-Theory: A Revolution in Particle Physics

I have just made perhaps the greatest scientific discovery of the 21st century. This discovery is equivalent, or perhaps more important, than Relativity and quantum mechanics. It surpasses string, or M-theory, and after I publish it will probably land me the Nobel Prize in Physics. I have spent the last 30 years on this theory, and I have more than 2000 pages of advanced calculations that prove conclusively that my theory is correct.

I have proved, beyond doubt, the Theory of Lose.

I present to you, L-Theory. At the core of L-Theory, is the discovery, and mathematical proof, of the existence of several new elementary particles. The particles, and a brief explanation, are as follows:

1. The Dipon. This is a force particle (similar to a gluon) that transmits the force of lose. It is a very rare particle, and there have been only 3 confirmations of it's existence out of a trillion subatomic particles.

2. The Winon. This is the antiparticle of the dipon. When a dipon and winon collide, negative energy is expelled in the form of a loson.

3. The Milfon. This particle is repelled by the dipon, much like 'like' charges repel. A dipon and a milfon have never been observed in nature.

4. The Studon. This particle attracts the milfon, leaving the few dipons to disintegrate in a state of instability being unpaired (much like an unpaired electron). The studon and the milfon are attracted by two force particles, the cashon and the dickon. Calculations show that dickons with the highest mass transmit the most attractive force to the milfons.

5. The Axon. This particle adds some stability to the dipon, however many axons are needed and according to calculations, the more axons are accumulated by the dipon, the more are needed to maintain stability. Extra stability can be achieved by combining axons with GT3ons. Axons are themselves composed of two smaller, quark-like particles, the fendon and the gibbon.

I have been searching my whole life for a Grand Unified Theory of Lose (GUTL), and at last my research has come to fruition. This proves indeed that lose is nothing you have any control over. Quantum fluctuations, and Heisenberg's Uncertainty principle, ensure that the particles I discovered that cause lose are beyond human control. They are a force of nature, and nature has a way of selecting the fittest.

I will be publishing this work (including all calculations) in the journal Nature.