Friday, April 20, 2007

Kardashian Kink

It’s not a secret that I have a fascination with celebrity porn. Well, let’s re-phrase that, and say that I have a fascination with ALL porn, celebrity porn being an interesting subset of that. I guess the one that started it all was the Pam and Tommy one, destined to go down in history as a classic. See Tommy steer his yacht with his 10 inch schlong!! See Pam’s cleanly shaven cooch!! Listen to Tommy say cool phrases like “insane” and “it’s all good”!! Watch Pam give him head on the side of the road in their SUV!! Hot on the heels of that one, I think the Bret Michaels one came out, but that was with a porn star chick so it really didn’t count. Then the big daddy of all celebrity porn was released…starring Paris Hilton. Now, we all know that Paris is a slut anyway, so why was anybody “shocked” when the dirty tape surfaced?? All I know is that, from my perspective, I never really thought Paris was that hot until I saw that film, then I changed my mind. She looked damn good. Her thingies look bigger in the buff than when clothed, and she’s of course completely shaven, the way I like it.

Which brings me to the topic at hand, the latest, dare I say, “celebrity” porn film, featuring Kim Kardashian, who’s only claim to fame is her OJ Simpson lawer daddy, and the fact that she hangs out with superslut Paris and the bimbo brigade that now includes Britney and Lohan. It’s not surprising that she wants to out-do Paris, so here she is, getting boinked by some rapper with a 10 inch monster. She obviously loves it, squealing “I’m cumming!” a lot. Now, I happen to think that Kimmy is the best looking of all of them, with a body that is right up my alley….giant DD cups and a nice plump rear. Not too tall and brunette. I prefer this to the tall, leggy Paris type of body. The footage itself is about 10 minutes total, but in the film they re-use the same scenes like 5 times to stretch the whole thing out to 40 minutes. There was rumor of a golden shower scene, which would have made it an instant classic, however unfortunately it was edited out as Kimmy wants you to believe she’s a “good girl” and was “forced” to do this tape. Uh, yeah, sure. The film ends with Kimmy taking the load in her mouth, of course you can’t really see it all too well, and she doesn’t show you her choad-filled mouth before swallowing like the real porn stars do. I’m also a bit disappointed in the fact that she didn’t scream out “I want it in my ass!!!” ….. surely Ray J would have happily obliged her request. She has a nice ass, I might mention. Real nice.
So all in all, another poor performance by an attention seeking slut who will do anything to get her name back on Entertainment Tonight. Now the question is….who’s next?? Equal odds are on Britney and Lohan. Christina Aguilera is almost a sure bet. Jessica Simpson would be a surprise entry, as would Hillary Duff. Which one will be first? Which one will go the next step, and do anal?? Whoever it is, and however bad it is, I’ll be sure to watch it. I just can’t help it.