Monday, November 27, 2006

Bah Humbug

Well the holiday season is here once again, let's all jump for joy!! Let's face it folks, Christmas and all this other holiday shit just sucks big time. It's all a big moneymaking scam. Now, i'm one of the best proponents of the "buy stuff to make you happy" lifestyle. Now for the holidays you're supposed to "buy stuff to make everyone else happy". But in the meantime, everyone is just miserable...everyone except the kids, who don't understand yet anyway.

First off, people who have unhappy, pathetic lives (like me) don't need people who have great happy lives shoving it in our faces. Yeah, we know, you're on top of the world now. Just wait, your time will come. The classic example is the guy who has a great job, tons of cash, and a hot little wife/girlfriend who just worships the toilets he shits in.
People like that LOVE the holidays so they can parade that hot little ass around at parties, get togethers, etc. Hey, look at the new BMW I got my horny little wife!! Hey, look at this gun barrel going down your throat!!

Second, if your'e just an average guy struggling in some sort of relationship, the holiday bullshit of who/where to visit just complicates things, and someone is bound to get offended. I told this girl i've been dating that I was spending Thanksgiving with my parents, and she went ballistic.
No, what I should have done was invite all of them over to my house for a big, loving get-together. Yeah, what a great idea!! Then everyone can be miserable!!

I think last Xmas eve, I spent it alone watching porn. It's the safest bet. Looks like it's another repeat this year.

Friday, November 03, 2006

DVD's to Keep You Happy

There's a slew of DVD coming out this holiday season which are cause for celebration. I've been waiting for these for a long time. Oh, think of the happiness i'll get by sitting in front of the AQUOS watching these gems!!

The first MUST HAVE is the BEVERLY HILLS 90210 Season One. You get to see young Jennie Garth as the slut Kelly, and Shannon Dougherty when she was hot, not beat like today. This show basically started the hot teeen drama genre. Of course, the best seasons are the ones when super-hottie TIFFANY AMBER THIESSEN came onboard. Man, those thingies!! They are the 8th and 9th wonders of the world. I'd rather see them than the pyramids anyday. But it will probably take a while to get to those, as the show was on like 10 seasons. Something to look forward to.

The second MUST HAVE is MELROSE PLACE, Season ONe. Melrose was a spin-off of 90210 where Jake was banging resident whore Kelly. Now, Melrose has it's own bevy of hot chicks, but my favorite character was always Michael Mancini, a real womanizing louse. Everyone knows that Heather Locklear joined the show later on, as well as Alyssa Milano, and there is so much over the top storylines that is was even satirized on Seinfeld. Let's just say that everyone was banging everyone.

Which brings me to SEINFELD, Season 7. I actually think the last few seasons of Seinfeld were the best. Just about every episode in this period is a killer.
And especially any episode with Frank Costanza, like FESTIVUS, is a bona fide classic.

Then there's SATURDAY NIGHT LIVE, the complete First Season. This is the good stuff, with Belushi, Chase, and Ackroyd. Any skit with Ackroyd playing Nixon is a killer, as well as Chase doing his Gerald Ford bits. There's the "Samurai Delicatessen" skits, and the "cheeburgie, cheeburgie" skits, too. Although some of them might also be in the second season. Both are must have's.

Last on the list is GOMER PYLE, USMC, Season One. I loved this show as a kid. Sort of like Gilligans Island, in the respect that when it was on TV as reruns, i'd always watch it. Now, like Gilligan, it's nowhere to be found on TV. I think with Gomer the later seasons (the color ones) are better. The best episode is when Sgt. Carter takes a vacation to get away from Gomer. A series of circumstances puts Gomer in the same place as Carter, and Carter sees Gomer's face everywhere and he thinks he's gone insane. The movie "What About Bob?" with Bill Murray stole this story line.

And I still want to get the color seasons of VOYAGE TO THE BOTTOM OF THE SEA. Especially the episode with the giant squid.