Monday, November 30, 2009

Deck the Halls with Boughs of Lose

"Why am I such a misfit? I am not just a nitwit. You can't fire me, I quit! Seems I don't fit in". Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer, the Misfit Song.

Well fellow losers the dreaded holiday season is upon us once again. It's something I dread even more so than the annual colonoscopy. Its the best time to realize just how freaking miserable life is and how everyone else around you seems to be happy and successful, driving BMW's and fucking their nympho MILF wives. This year i've managed to take inventory of my life so far, and seeing as tho it's more than half over, makes me want it to be ALL over, the sooner the better. Let's just say that if the first half sucked and was the epitome of lose, the second half will make the first half look like a proverbial paradise.

Where the first half of my life can be summed up with the word LOSE, the second half will be summed up with the word DEATH. That's all I see on the horizon. Nothing else, just death. Parents will be first, followed by child. After that I don't know what i'll want to do but i'm certain that I won't want to devote my life to my fucking job. The first option is to go out and seek retrubution to all the assholes throughout my life and blow their heads off. I'm particularly targeting a few bosses who fucked me over in the past. Another option is to go on a massive spending binge, buy cars, travel, max out every card and spend every dime. When that goes, then the gun to the head. Since I won't have any family left, nobody will be responsible for my financial folly.

Remember what Lester Burnham said in Americal Beauty..."when you have nothing, you have nothing to lose". Man that is one helluva movie. One of the best of all time. Maybe I should get a 1970 Pontiac Trans Am and get a job at Mr. Smiley's. Would you like a smiley fries with that??

I hope those idiot Mayans were right and it will all end in 2012 but i'm not counting on a bunch of stoned mexicans to predict the future. Same with Nostradumbass.

And so fellow losers have a merry fucking christmas. For that Christmas eve alone, I recommend porno, loud doom metal (Trouble's first album comes to mind),and strong weed. And maybe a frozen pizza.