LIES, ALL LIES!!!

I'm getting sick of all these winners at work telling me, "oh, you gotta get out there". Uh, yeah, OK. Let me explain just why all these self-help slogans and tidbits are complete bullshit. Want proof? Just film my life for a few weeks. You''ll see first hand. It would be the reality show that would make all other reality shows look like a fantasy land. Herewith are the lies....

LIE #1. "You gotta get out there". Well, it's not like i'm a recluse. I go to work. I go to the grocery store. I go to the mall. Nothing happens. Which leads to...

LIE #2. "You gotta make things happen". When I go to the mall and eat at the food court alone, i'm the only one in the whole court eating alone. I do a scan, there's usually no one else there alone, especially women. Everyone is coupled up. Same thing at work....everyone i'm interested in, is either engaged or married already. So just who are you supposed to make things happen with?? Yup, your right hand!!

LIE #3. "Someone comes into your life when you least expect it". Bullshit. I've been least expecting it for the last 20 years. Nothing has happened.

LIE #4. "You can meet women at bookstores". Again, bullshit. We've been going to the bookstore for like 5 years now. It's just a bunch of loser middle aged men in there, like us. There are no single women hanging out there. Any women that we have seen there are with their studs. All bullshit!!!

LIE #5 "There is somebody out there for everyone". Uhh, sure. Gee, maybe i'll find her by the time i'm 80!! What great sex we'll have!!

The true fact is, that most of these Lies are spouted off by winners who have like a week downtime between relationships, they have to do nothing to move from one chick to the next cause it just falls into their laps. Case in point is my buddy Josh who has women hitting on him constantly....when he dumps one, there's always another one right there to take her place. Absolutely no down time whatsoever. Same with chicks. Whats the downtime between studs? A week? A few days?? Oh, gee, must be tough being alone for that long!!!

Remember the Coop

I see that a new Alice Cooper CD is coming out soon called "Along Came a Spider". Good old Alice, must be over 60 and still going at it. Now those of us who are old enough to have been around in Cooper's heyday (circa 1971-1973) know that, well, things just will never be the same, especially without the original Alice Cooper Group. One cannot underestimate just how cool the Alice Cooper Group was back then. Other bands may have had some theatrics, but Cooper took it to a whole new level. Like other supergroups Zeppelin, Stones, etc, Cooper put out a string of great albums starting with Love it to Death, Killer, Schools Out, and Billion Dollar Babies that cemented his legendary status. The live shows were over the top. It all went to his head, and once he decided that he didn't need the band and went "solo", it was all over (although, I must admit, "Welcome to my Nightmare", with Hunter and Wagner (of Lou Reed's "Rock and Roll Animal" fame) on lead guitars, wasn't all that bad). Michael Bruce wrote a lot of the great songs, and you had drunken Glenn Buxton playing that white three pickup Gibson Les Paul SG. They all had hair down to their ass. I suppose my favorite out of all the albums is Killer. Glenn's dead now, but Bruce, Dunaway and Smith are still around, however Alice repeatedly admits he will never regroup the band. Shame. There must be some bad blood there somewhere cause I think the other boys would do it (at least Bruce has said so) Rhino has just re-issued the first two CD's Pretties for You and Easy Action, both not as heavy but containing some good stuff nonetheless like "Return of the Spiders" and "Lay Down and Die, Goodbye". Will I buy the new album?? Probably not. I'll just go listen to Love it to Death again. Bodies.....Need.....Rest.

The Silverburst V

Pretty soon, my happiness for the summer will be ensured. Brother Tim from Superior Guitar will be finished my Flying V, transforming a crappy "worn cherry" into a cool silverburst. The idea hit me after seeing Brent from Mastodon playing a custom shop silverburst. Now I didn't want to spend 5 grand on a custom shop, but I could take one that I had and transform it into what LOOKS like a custom shop. Of course it ain't cheep but nowhere near 5 grand. Here's what it will look like. Mine will have the pointy headstock which is characteristic of the 68-69 V's. I had to replace the stock pickups with 57 classics to complete the look.
Oh man, now i'll be able to play like Brent!! The happiness should last a week, maybe two!!